How many of you have been “unfriended” by someone on social media because of something you said, posted, or showed support for? I don’t mean something you said to directly insult someone. I mean something that you simply posted or stated that made someone decide that you weren’t worth having on their friend list anymore. A similar thing can happen to you when it comes to being a single submissive man hoping to meet Dominant women.
In Chapter 10 of “FemDom Dating: The Submissive Male’s Guide To Attracting Dominant Women,” I write about what kinds of signals you unwittingly send out by the photos you “like” on social and dating media. I have a FetLife profile, Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr accounts. And, without exception, on each of those feeds, there are one or two guys who are constantly posting or “liking” picture after picture after picture all day long.
Most of the pictures tend to be of nude women posing or women engaged in sexual acts. (To the Pro-Dommes, I know you have a business to run and hot pics bring in the clients. So this isn’t about you.)
If you are “that guy” with the itchy clicking finger, hitting the “LIKE” button every time you see a gaping beaver on your screen – have you ever thought what message that is sending out to women who may actually be looking at you as someone they may want to say “hi” to?
Now, before anyone goes totally snowflake on me and demands to know who the fuck I think I am to “judge” other people – please relax. I judge very few people. I enjoy images of the female form as much as any guy. But, all the fuck pics in the world don’t equate to the mind-blowing headspace that my own Mistress Oasis puts me in. If your idea of a good time is spanking your monkey to dirty pictures, then by all means don’t let me poop on your party.
But, if you have a goal of actually meeting a real, live Domme for yourself someday – well that’s why I wrote “FemDom Dating.” And if you are actually interested in just how deep your BDSM relationship can go, that’s why I wrote “Energy and BDSM.” All the nudie pics you “LIKE” in a day will not get you to either place. So, this post is not to pass judgement on you, but to help you reach that goal of someday having a real Domme accept you as hers. The choice is yours – another empty orgasm all by yourself with your computer, or a path that can lead you to a real D/s relationship.
Part of the basic logic that “FemDom Dating” is based upon is this: men and women think differently. This sounds obvious. But, when you look at a lot of single submissive men’s behavior, it’s clear that they don’t agree with this on a subconscious level. How many women have you personally met who are genuinely attracted to a man who spends hour after hour looking at porn? On the same level, how many women have you personally met who are genuinely okay with the idea of the man they are in a relationship with spending all his free time looking at porn? I’m not talking about a woman who’s capable of sitting and enjoying sexy images with her mate. Hell, Mistress Oasis and I do that! But, normally, the more time a man spends staring at naked photos of other women (or men, for that matter), the less his girlfriend/wife/Mistress tends to like it.
To be sure, as guys, most of us wouldn’t care if our girlfriend or wife spent a bunch of her spare time looking at hot pics on her computer, getting all horny and whatnot. In fact, some of us would find that quite appealing. But, women don’t think that way. Not most women, anyway. They don’t want their man focusing his attention on other women and their bodies.
Now, let’s take that knowledge and apply it to a Domme who is looking at your profile. So, each day you’re clicking the “LIKE” or “LOVE” button on, let’s say, 15 to 20 photos of people having sex. If you are on a site that records your activity on a timeline, these things show up. And, again, thinking differently than a man, a Dominant woman wouldn’t just look at your pictures to see how hot you are. As I point out in “FemDom Dating,” studies have shown that women spend more time READING a profile than looking at pictures. So, this Domme, while reading about you and your activity, sees that you spend your time pulling up picture after picture and “loving” them. What opinion do you think she is forming as she sees that?
I’m not saying you should not look at hot pics. But, honestly, how many times have you “loved” a picture, resulting in the woman in the photo contacting you, and establishing a relationship pf any type? If you are like most guys, I’m going to venture a guess that it hasn’t happened to you. On the flip side of the coin, if that Domme reading over your profile gets the impression that you would prefer to look at porn and jerk off rather than focus your attention on submission to a Domme, what do you think your chances are that she will reach out to you, or respond positively to any contact you may initiate?
I’m not making up hypothetical theories, here. I’ve literally sat with Dominant women while they showed me profiles of men with hundreds of “loves” on pictures of tits and pussy. And, without exception, they insinuate that the owner of that profile must sit around stroking his pud in front of his computer all day. These are real women giving their real opinions. Think about that.
Social media and dating sites are great for sharing and connecting with other kinky people. But, no matter what you’re doing on your profile, always be thinking of what kind of reputation you are building with your activities.