Topping From the Bottom Ain’t Always Bad

Topping a semi-heavy masochist is not easy. I know, I’ve been at both ends of the whip. By “semi-heavy masochist,” I mean someone who needs much more than some spanking and flogging, but who still has limits that fall short of the severe. For masochists like us, it’s a balance. We like to creep up to just this side of “RED,” and then ride the edge of that cliff as long as we can.

For the Top or Dominant of such a masochist, keeping them on that cliff isn’t an easy job. Speaking personally, my reactions to pain while riding that edge can be very intense and dramatic. Although I’m not uttering a safe-word, it can appear as if I’m really struggling to endure the pain. On top of that, my pain threshold fluctuates – sometimes from day to day. Mistress Oasis often struggles with just how hard to push me. She loves inflicting pain and savors my reactions to it. However, hearing a safe-word come from me really upsets her. She shoulders the “fault” for pushing me “too far,” despite the fact that neither one of us truly knows what “too far” is until we get there.

Several times throughout my years in the lifestyle, I’ve “bottomed” for newbies trying to learn or hone their skills. It was no big thing for me to coach them along as they would flog me. “It’s okay, you can swing harder.” “Don’t hit there, that’s my kidney.” “Try stepping back/stepping closer and make sure to aim your swing.” You get the gist. I was a training dummy who gave real time feedback.

The phenomenon of “Topping from the Bottom” is usually referred to in a negative light. Subs are not supposed to top from the bottom, because this is disrespectful to the Dominant. It’s viewed as not being a “good submissive.” For anyone who may not know what “Topping from the Bottom” is, imagine a sub, on their hands and knees with their ass in the air. Their Dominant is busy working on them with a flogger. Now imagine the sub saying, “Hey, try to hit more in the center, not just the right cheek. I like it more centered.”…”Why don’t you work on my back for a while? I like it on my back more than my ass.” … “Oh, can you switch to the heavy flogger? This one is too stingy.” That should give you the idea. The sub wants to be “dominated” by someone, but wants to call all the shots along the way.

It’s not just Dominants who look poorly upon this behavior. Many of us subs don’t like it either. Speaking personally again, I don’t like to have to engage my brain in a scene to the point necessary to actually speak coherently. I enjoy letting go and flying away while Mistress Oasis does her thing. Yes, sometimes she does things that I can honestly say I don’t “like.” However, as I explain in my book “ENERGY and BDSM,” enduring pain that I truly don’t enjoy for the sake of my Mistress’s enjoyment often melts me into a deeper submissive state in my own head. And the “not-so-fun” stuff doesn’t last forever. Eventually, we get back to something that I love, and the roller coaster ride goes on and on.

However, Mistress Oasis and I occasionally change things up a bit, she will let me run the show from a position of vulnerability. It helps us grow in our dynamic, because it takes the responsibility of “reading me” off of her shoulders. Basically, we do things we normally do, except I give more positive verbal feedback. During our regular play, I don’t speak much, unless something is wrong. During these occasional “Top from the Bottom” days, I can encourage her to do more, or to continue to increase the intensity, or even suggest new things that I’ve wanted to try.

I know it’s tempting to think, “Why can’t she just keep increasing intensity on her own as long as you aren’t calling a safe-word?” That would be a good question. And again, it goes back to her not wanting to get to the point of a safe word. Some sadists are perfectly comfortable pushing further and further as long as a sub allows them. However, in Mistress Oasis’s mind, once the safe-word has been uttered, things have gone too far and a sense of guilt and responsibility accompany that. She’s not as unique as you may think. There are lots of sadists out there who really, really get off on hurting someone, as long as that masochist is clearly enjoying the ride – but cannot stand the idea of truly causing someone “bad” pain. This is a very positive trait for a sadist to posses. So it is because of this that the occasional break from the norm can be helpful in a sado-masochistic relationship.

Another benefit of these sessions, as I mentioned earlier, is the chance to try some new things. I have a very fertile imagination when it comes to dreaming up creative ways for my body to be bound and tortured. Some of these ideas can be pretty complex. So, just telling someone the idea and having them try to act it out often doesn’t achieve the desired result. Mistress Oasis loves when I rig up a new bondage position, or a new CBT idea. We recently introduced pulleys to go along with our weight play. Using pulleys and weights to place a load on nipple clamps or a CBT parachute opens up all kinds of new possibilities. But one has to familiarize themselves with more knots, mechanical reasoning, proper weight placement, etc. Allowing me to guide the activity allows her to understand exactly the ideas I have in my head and duplicate, or even modify them.

Additionally, these sessions do not always remain academic. Some of our absolute best scenes have started out with me coaching her in a new idea. Once the ball gets rolling, she gets very “into” what she is doing, and I get very “into” what is happening to me. We basically both get so hot we fall back into our proper roles and play out a real scene.

So, if you’ve always thought of “Topping from the Bottom” as a bad thing, perhaps you should consider how much you, as a Dominant, could learn – or you, as a sub, could benefit from setting aside some time to let the “bottom” take the steering wheel for a few hours and test the waters. You may be shocked at the exciting new things you’ll discover.


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Romance Me With C.B.T! (The Spiked Tube)

I love masochistic play.

Seriously, being a service oriented submissive is great – but pain is the icing on the cake that almost never fails to make my heart and mind soar! Even the buildup to a scene – stripping down (if I’m not naked already) laying out toys, those first moments of being bound and made vulnerable and helpless – all of it is like a ritual that gets my juices flowing. And it’s not just the physical body responses. Mentally, my head clears. My mind empties and all the issues and stresses of life melt away. Emotionally, I go deeper and deeper into my submissive mindset. Every move, every look, my posture, my tone – ALL become very purposeful. Everything I say and do is aimed at pleasing my Mistress. It’s a transformation that scoops me out of the mundane doldrums of daily life and takes me into a magical universe of extremes. Once the pain starts, it just takes me deeper and deeper into Wonderland.

I love all sorts of pain all over my body. But my favorite type of painful play by far is CBT – or Cock and Ball Torture.

I don’t think there is a  human on the planet that doesn’t have a deep, primal connection to their genitals. It doesn’t matter if you are a naked native in a wild land who thinks nothing of wandering around with your junk in plain view of everybody, an open-minded new-age philosopher who thinks that the genitals are the magical gateway to pleasure and cosmic love, or a modest, closed legged puritan who thinks the genitals are “dirty” and evil, to be hidden away and only exposed to your spouse or medical professionals. We can all agree that what we have between our legs is some equipment that is very sensitive and very personal. There are few things that  say “You are powerless” quite like being bound and naked, then having someone grab hold of those parts.

Having had lots and lots of various painful things done to my cock and balls, Mistress Oasis and I have gotten more and more creative in our toys and play. This week we pulled out a toy we have only tried once before about 6 or 8 months ago. It’s a steel ring with four threaded spikes that screw into it. This contraption also includes a steel urethral tube that is held in place by a small rod attached to the front of the tube and captured by a screw on top of the ring. (See Pictures) The idea is that the ring is slid onto the penis and the spikes are screwed in to the desired depth. Then the urethral tube can be inserted, then locked n place with the screw on top of the ring.

The devise isn’t exactly easy to put on, so I helped with locking the ring in place just behind the head of my cock, then gently slid the tube up my pee hole. Man, it is amazing just how big a tube can fit into the urethra! Once it was on, I was hooded and bound standing, arms outstretched over my head. There was nothing initially painful about the ring and spikes as I was just standing there limp. Each spike was protruding perhaps 4 -5 mm. It’s got a good heft to it, so I felt a nice, erotic pull from the weight of the thing. Instead of immediately starting to play with me, Mistress Oasis kicked back in her chair and just sat admiring for awhile – making me wait. But eventually she came up and started to tease me. Once my cock started to grow a bit, and began pressing outward against those four spikes, the pain factor began ramping up very quickly.

Now, I’m sure the reaction of intense penis pain for the majority of men on the planet is for the penis to shrink up and retreat for safety. However, in a BDSM setting, mine does not. Nope … I grow. And the more I grew, the more those horrific spikes would dig into my skin, causing the pain to amplify. As the pain got worse, I’d continue to grow, perpetuating this tortuous cycle. I quickly realized that I was unwittingly helping with my own torture – which was an incredibly erotic thought – which made me continue to get harder.

Once I was fully erect – my cock defiantly hefting up the weight of this horrific device – the pain was stupefying. I was shocked to find that within only a couple of minutes, I was already in La La Land, with my head doing loop-de-loops within itself as the unyielding steel dug into my shaft just behind the corona. Mistress helped things along by tracing her finger lightly over the glans, adding a delicious sensation to the deep, painful predicament I was trapped in.

After a few minutes, she stopped touching and told me to concentrate on going limp again. I focused hard on numbing my mind to everything, which eventually allowed my erection – and the pain – to slowly subside. Eventually, all that was left was the effect of the adrenaline and endorphins dancing around in my brain.

But my break didn’t last long, and once again, Mistress Oasis was back at it. She toyed with my cock, tickling the head and the tip, causing the blood to begin flowing back in again. I started to grow like before. And the pain came just as I knew it would. Occasionally Mistress would squeeze the base of my suffering cock, which would swell the rest of the length another millimeter or so, forcing the spikes in deeper, and causing me to squirm and cry out in agony. I couldn’t see a thing, but I could tell she was having a blast. I was once again fully erect and suffering from the constant intense misery the steel spikes were inflicting within the ring.

I was a writhing, moaning and shuddering mass of pure pain, as my mind spun and raced and swam around, trying to cope with the unrelenting torment that my own body was causing itself. My breathing was erratic, alternating from hyperventilating to sucking in huge gasps of air – all while continuing to squirm around involuntarily – oblivious to how desperate and pathetic I must have looked. It was as if my entire body was involved in coping with the intense pain.

I was told again to calm down and focus on letting myself go limp as Mistress Oasis stopped her teasing. Again the blood flow subsided from my aching cock, allowing for some relief from the merciless, impaling steel. My mind was mush. Time was a blur. Mistress Oasis didn’t touch me. I had my hood on so I couldn’t see anything. She was letting me stand there helpless, wondering what was next. Would she take the evil thing off? Was she getting other toys to use? I have no idea how how long I stood there, arms bound to the ceiling, pondering my fate.

But Mistress Oasis began toying with my cock once again, and the horrifying torment cycle began again as I grew hard once more. And again I started squirming.

The cycle repeated itself a few more times, each becoming more intense. I eventually had to safe-word out … not because of the pain inflicted from the spiked ring, but because my hands and shoulders had become numb. My legs had all but given out on me and the cuffs encasing my wrists were pretty much the only things holding me up. So we took a cuddle break so I could get the feeling back.

Once everything was off and I was back in the world, I could see that the spikes had left four deep indentions in my cock that would clearly be there for awhile. Mistress Oasis was smiling quite happily, and made clear we would be doing that again soon.

I’m looking forward to our next play-day!


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