Why I Chose Submission

Over the last several years of my life, I’ve had several friends both inside and outside of the BDSM community tell me that I’ve never seemed happier than I do now.

As I’ve written in my book – “Energy and BDSM,” I’ve been “kinky” as far back as I remember. Seriously. Long before I learned why little boys and little girls had different body parts and how babies were made, my young, innocent little mind swirled with macabre images of bondage and torment. Sometimes, I was the tormentor. Other times, I was the one shackled to a wall with an evil woman doing painful and lewd things to me while laughing viciously, and enjoying herself the entire time.

My little, pre-pubescent psyche was, as of yet, unencumbered by sexual understanding, pornography, or masturbatory urges. However, in those strange fantasies of torture and sadism, the consenting victim was consistently naked, emotionally hopeless, and spiritually broken – even though I was too young to have described those psychological states the way I can now. And, the villain would always take some time to focus on the most private and vulnerable parts of their prey, adding to the horror of the suffering captive.

I was also, by nature, the little kid who wanted to help everyone. Doing things for other people simply made me feel good. But, what also made me feel good was adventure and taking chances. Getting myself into situations that frightened me, and then overcoming them, gave me a strong sense of satisfaction – and probably took an extra 10 years off my parents’ lives.

That desire for helping others has followed me throughout my life, evidenced by my career choices and work ethic. I’ve always chosen work that 1) was based on self sacrifice in the interest of protecting or caring for others and 2) had an element of serious risk if mistakes were made. Interestingly enough, those jobs also came with the requirement of being able to control circumstances, other people, and myself.

So, it only seemed natural when I found the first outlet for my unique tastes in my late teens (my girlfriend suggested I tie her up and “have my way” with her) that I took the “Dominant” role. And, I enjoyed it. Having a willing “victim” to ravage was everything I’d imagined it to be. I was quick to understand the responsibility that came with that privilege as well. Entering into the “public” realm of practicing BDSM groups reinforced and enhanced my understanding with concepts like “SSC,” safety techniques, and detailed communication.

It wasn’t long, however, before I asked that she reverse the roles and treat me to some bondage and pain. She reluctantly agreed, and I can say that I understood right away that masochism and being restrained held a far different satisfaction for me that easily rivaled what I got from my sadistic endeavors. I tried to be careful, however, not to push too far because my girlfriend (who later became my wife) was clearly not an enthusiastic sadist. Looking back now, I realize she wasn’t really a sadist at all. Unfortunately, as cautious as I was, I was not always successful in not pushing too far for her – and it did cause some waves in the marriage. We divorced after several years. Not because of the kinky stuff, but due to other factors in daily life.

I spent several years switching. But, it was always with someone who was either primarily a submissive or a switch. And, honestly, I never really “submitted” to anyone. I “bottomed” as a masochist. I still enjoyed topping, and primarily lived that role. A good friend once told me that, having watched me in several scenes and in both roles, that I was the only person she knew whom she would call a “true” switch. She said that it was obvious that I was equally passionate, regardless of which role I was in.

It wasn’t until much later, when I first played with a good friend who was strictly a Domme, that I found something “deeper.” I can honestly say I was nervous going in, because I had convinced myself over the years that I was not a submissive. I enjoyed bottoming and masochism, but the one thing that frightened me the most was letting go of all control, and fully giving into someone else’s desires, with no expectations of what I would get out of the venture. I describe this experience in great detail in my book. But, for brevity here, let me just say that entering into the situation I feared the most is exactly where the magic happened for me.

Yes, we negotiated first. We talked extensively. She had me clearly define my limits, my fantasies, and my fears. Then, once the time and place was set, she made perfectly clear to me that – although she was going to respect my limits and keep me safe – I was going to be there to serve her needs. Any rewards or pleasure I would receive would be fully within her discretion.

Sex and orgasm were off the table. This would be a 100% service, submission, and pain experience for me. When the appointed evening began, I was scared, excited, and determined all at the same time. Once the evening was over and I was curled up at her feet, massaging her calves and marveling at the new universe my head was floating around in – I realized I’d found that utopia I’d daydreamed about so many years ago as a young, innocent, untouched soul. After a few more experiences like that, I realized that surrender and loss of control is what I wanted – and I wanted to experience it as deeply as possible.

After a few years of doing this on a strictly platonic level with sadistic Domme friends, I met Mistress Oasis. It was she that introduced a new ingredient to the mix – love and adoration. I can now say I’m officially addicted. I’m in love with her. I love serving her. I love showing her my appreciation in as many ways as I can each day. But, for me, nothing quite compares to the all-enveloping experience of being bound, stripped of all defenses and rights of protest (except for a safe-word), and hurt … all the time knowing that behind the maniacal, deviant smile of my sadistic tormentor lies a heart that melts a little more with every mark she makes, and every squirming moan she draws out of me.

Yeah, I was a good Top, and a good switch. But, it was in letting go and submitting that I finally found my true fulfillment. I haven’t topped in years and, to be quite honest, I’ve never been happier.

 

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My EVOTION 3D Printed Chastity Cage

If you are interested in male chastity and you haven’t checked out the EVOTION WEARABLES male chastity cages yet, I highly recommend you do. Especially if, like me, you are a “grower” rather than a “show-er.” (Meaning that your penis gets a lot larger when you get an erection. Guys who are “show-ers” maintain roughly the same length between their flaccid state and their erect state) I grow from about 4 inches limp and relaxed to 7 inches erect – and my girth about triples. Although I’m not breaking any records in the porn industry with those measurements, those variations in size make it really tough for guys who wish to be kept caged on a continual basis.

My cage is equivalent to a wedding ring, or a collar to me. It’s the symbol of my intense love and devotion to Mistress Oasis. Cheap, “one-size-fits-all” metal cages bought from the popular adult toy websites proved too bulky and uncomfortable for long term wear. So we bought a CB6000. It came with 5 different sized “base rings” that go around the balls and the base of the shaft. Too large a ring would allow the whole contraption to slide down my junk and prove pretty much useless. However, selecting the right sized ring to keep everything in place in my flaccid state resulted in blood flow to my balls being cut off when I got hard, plus my penis would push the whole apparatus forward, causing a very painful pull on the balls. I also have titanium clamps from a vasectomy which would often get caught on the wrong side of that ring, causing excessive pain there as well. In the end, my erections managed to split the seam of the plastic cage in 4 months – and I think I have a right to brag about that.

Anyway, I moved on to Mature Metals, who make very nice custom steel cages. I took all the measurements as prescribed and ordered their JailBird model. It is honestly a very nice, well made cage. When locked inside, you definitely know that you are restrained. However, once again, I had similar problems. Mature Metals recommends measuring the penis at its relaxed, flaccid length (not the cold swimming pool shrinkage length). And they say to order just a bit small. So I ordered a 3 1/2 inch long model so I would fill it up comfortably when relaxed. However, again – once I’d grow in my sleep, the whole cage would ride forward and the base ring would become tighter and tighter. On several occasions we had to remove the cage in the middle of the night when everything was painful and purple. On the other hand, over the summer, I discovered that when I walked around and my balls would become relaxed and hang low, the heavy steel cage would slide down a couple of inches and the whole apparatus would rest just on top of my balls. Now, I don’t blame Mature Metals for this. Their product is exactly what they advertise. It’s a strong, high quality, very secure steel cage. I blame my own anatomy – which will not stay at those ideally measured proportions that the cage is built to. Maybe way down the road when I’m too old to have night erections, the JailBird will be a perfect cage for me. But for now, it’s been relegated to the bag of misfit toys.

 

 

I saw some posts on these custom 3D printed chastity cages about 8 months ago, and let’s just say I did a lot of homework. Their CAGE 7 model intrigued me, because it used no base ring around the balls. Over the last couple of years I’d seen chastity devices designed to cover just the head of the penis and , to be honest, I didn’t really like the appearance of them. They just didn’t look “right” to me. And there was also a psychological aspect missing: As a submissive male who wants a physical symbol of his devotion to his Mistress and her ownership of him, a device that entraps the entire genital package would seem to better offer that “feel” of complete captivity. However, a few months ago I realized that such devices were simply not practical to my physiology.

 

To keep this post relatively short, I’ll write another later with more technical details about my cage. But let me just say that I LOVE this chastity device.

Firstly, it’s polymer, so it’s LIGHT. It is held in place not only by my PA piercing, but by the custom shape of the cage surrounding the head. It actually has a “lip” that rests just behind the head to keep the whole thing from sliding around. So all of the stress is not just on my piercing. Because it has no base ring, it just follows whatever happens with my penis. The cage itself is 3 inches long, so when I’m hard, it simply encloses the last 3 inches, leaving the rest of the shaft exposed. When I’m soft, it covers up more of the shaft. And no more sore, purple balls!! The slots over the glans are just big enough to slip a Q-tip in for adjustment, but little else. So, no – I cannot pleasure myself through them. My cock is locked down securely. The whole thing is held together by the red ring around the base. The red ring is held shut by a small one-way plastic tab inserted between the closing ends of the ring. The tab is purple in the photos. It can only be removed by cutting the tab down the middle. Only then can the ring come apart and the pieces of the plastic tab can be removed from the ring ends. A new tab is put in place when the cage is put back on. I picked this option because of the slim profile – but they offer integrated locks, padlocks, and other locking options.

 

This model is not for everyone. It requires a PA or other piercing. But if you’ve got an extra hole or two in your pecker, and you’re having problems with cages that have base rings, you may want to look into EVOTION.

 

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Romance Me With C.B.T! (The Spiked Tube)

I love masochistic play.

Seriously, being a service oriented submissive is great – but pain is the icing on the cake that almost never fails to make my heart and mind soar! Even the buildup to a scene – stripping down (if I’m not naked already) laying out toys, those first moments of being bound and made vulnerable and helpless – all of it is like a ritual that gets my juices flowing. And it’s not just the physical body responses. Mentally, my head clears. My mind empties and all the issues and stresses of life melt away. Emotionally, I go deeper and deeper into my submissive mindset. Every move, every look, my posture, my tone – ALL become very purposeful. Everything I say and do is aimed at pleasing my Mistress. It’s a transformation that scoops me out of the mundane doldrums of daily life and takes me into a magical universe of extremes. Once the pain starts, it just takes me deeper and deeper into Wonderland.

I love all sorts of pain all over my body. But my favorite type of painful play by far is CBT – or Cock and Ball Torture.

I don’t think there is a  human on the planet that doesn’t have a deep, primal connection to their genitals. It doesn’t matter if you are a naked native in a wild land who thinks nothing of wandering around with your junk in plain view of everybody, an open-minded new-age philosopher who thinks that the genitals are the magical gateway to pleasure and cosmic love, or a modest, closed legged puritan who thinks the genitals are “dirty” and evil, to be hidden away and only exposed to your spouse or medical professionals. We can all agree that what we have between our legs is some equipment that is very sensitive and very personal. There are few things that  say “You are powerless” quite like being bound and naked, then having someone grab hold of those parts.

Having had lots and lots of various painful things done to my cock and balls, Mistress Oasis and I have gotten more and more creative in our toys and play. This week we pulled out a toy we have only tried once before about 6 or 8 months ago. It’s a steel ring with four threaded spikes that screw into it. This contraption also includes a steel urethral tube that is held in place by a small rod attached to the front of the tube and captured by a screw on top of the ring. (See Pictures) The idea is that the ring is slid onto the penis and the spikes are screwed in to the desired depth. Then the urethral tube can be inserted, then locked n place with the screw on top of the ring.

The devise isn’t exactly easy to put on, so I helped with locking the ring in place just behind the head of my cock, then gently slid the tube up my pee hole. Man, it is amazing just how big a tube can fit into the urethra! Once it was on, I was hooded and bound standing, arms outstretched over my head. There was nothing initially painful about the ring and spikes as I was just standing there limp. Each spike was protruding perhaps 4 -5 mm. It’s got a good heft to it, so I felt a nice, erotic pull from the weight of the thing. Instead of immediately starting to play with me, Mistress Oasis kicked back in her chair and just sat admiring for awhile – making me wait. But eventually she came up and started to tease me. Once my cock started to grow a bit, and began pressing outward against those four spikes, the pain factor began ramping up very quickly.

Now, I’m sure the reaction of intense penis pain for the majority of men on the planet is for the penis to shrink up and retreat for safety. However, in a BDSM setting, mine does not. Nope … I grow. And the more I grew, the more those horrific spikes would dig into my skin, causing the pain to amplify. As the pain got worse, I’d continue to grow, perpetuating this tortuous cycle. I quickly realized that I was unwittingly helping with my own torture – which was an incredibly erotic thought – which made me continue to get harder.

Once I was fully erect – my cock defiantly hefting up the weight of this horrific device – the pain was stupefying. I was shocked to find that within only a couple of minutes, I was already in La La Land, with my head doing loop-de-loops within itself as the unyielding steel dug into my shaft just behind the corona. Mistress helped things along by tracing her finger lightly over the glans, adding a delicious sensation to the deep, painful predicament I was trapped in.


After a few minutes, she stopped touching and told me to concentrate on going limp again. I focused hard on numbing my mind to everything, which eventually allowed my erection – and the pain – to slowly subside. Eventually, all that was left was the effect of the adrenaline and endorphins dancing around in my brain.

But my break didn’t last long, and once again, Mistress Oasis was back at it. She toyed with my cock, tickling the head and the tip, causing the blood to begin flowing back in again. I started to grow like before. And the pain came just as I knew it would. Occasionally Mistress would squeeze the base of my suffering cock, which would swell the rest of the length another millimeter or so, forcing the spikes in deeper, and causing me to squirm and cry out in agony. I couldn’t see a thing, but I could tell she was having a blast. I was once again fully erect and suffering from the constant intense misery the steel spikes were inflicting within the ring.

I was a writhing, moaning and shuddering mass of pure pain, as my mind spun and raced and swam around, trying to cope with the unrelenting torment that my own body was causing itself. My breathing was erratic, alternating from hyperventilating to sucking in huge gasps of air – all while continuing to squirm around involuntarily – oblivious to how desperate and pathetic I must have looked. It was as if my entire body was involved in coping with the intense pain.

I was told again to calm down and focus on letting myself go limp as Mistress Oasis stopped her teasing. Again the blood flow subsided from my aching cock, allowing for some relief from the merciless, impaling steel. My mind was mush. Time was a blur. Mistress Oasis didn’t touch me. I had my hood on so I couldn’t see anything. She was letting me stand there helpless, wondering what was next. Would she take the evil thing off? Was she getting other toys to use? I have no idea how how long I stood there, arms bound to the ceiling, pondering my fate.

But Mistress Oasis began toying with my cock once again, and the horrifying torment cycle began again as I grew hard once more. And again I started squirming.

The cycle repeated itself a few more times, each becoming more intense. I eventually had to safe-word out … not because of the pain inflicted from the spiked ring, but because my hands and shoulders had become numb. My legs had all but given out on me and the cuffs encasing my wrists were pretty much the only things holding me up. So we took a cuddle break so I could get the feeling back.

Once everything was off and I was back in the world, I could see that the spikes had left four deep indentions in my cock that would clearly be there for awhile. Mistress Oasis was smiling quite happily, and made clear we would be doing that again soon.

I’m looking forward to our next play-day!

 

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Light At The End

Mistress Oasis and I had another of our phenomenal, mind blowing “US” Wednesdays again yesterday. We basically blow off work, clients, responsibilities – and spend a whole day playing, loving, connecting. The depth, the intimacy, the love and connection all came together perfectly. And I’ve woken up still swimming in that amazing headspace that feels like a warm sphere of pure love is encasing me – separating me from the world and all its coldness.

As I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, my mind wandered back to our initial meeting. It was quite accidental in many ways, and almost didn’t happen because I was at a very low point in my BDSM journey. It was only by happenstance that I showed up at the same place she was one evening. But that happenstance changed my life.

Without a doubt, the “darkest” time in my BDSM journey was early on in my first marriage. I was 21 and a soldier serving stateside at the time. We had been dabbling regularly into bondage play and some light flogging and spanking. I almost always topped her, but with persuasion had succeeded in getting her to switch a few times. However, deep inside I knew I needed to experience more of the “receiving” side of things. I knew I wanted to feel more intense pain, feel a greater loss of control and a greater sense of being under her power and whim. However, that was simply not how she was wired.

One night it all came to a head. After days of having tried to coax her to tie me down to the bed again and do “those things” to me, she finally erupted and let me have it. She made quite clear that my very manhood was in question as far as she was concerned. These things I wanted disgusted her and basically she wondered what kind of “real man” would want those things from a woman.
I spent that night in our guest bedroom with the lights off and kneeling in a corner for several hours. I sat there on my knees, tears streaming down, praying to the God whom I was always taught loved me and wanted good things for me. I prayed and begged for him to rip this horrible and disgusting thing out of me that made me a horrible and disgusting person. I wondered why a loving God would put such a terrible flaw into his creation. I’ve never abandoned my faith in God – but he did not remove the thorn from my side that night, despite all of my anguish.

Fast forward another lifetime. I was more than double the age that I was when I sat there on my knees asking God to make me a good person worthy of love. I’d been through two divorces, two careers, two home ownerships, etc. I’d been actively involved in the leather community for the vast majority of my adult life. I’d been a switch for many years and later put down the whip altogether and fully embraced being a submissive.

I was well liked and had all of the “play partners” I could possibly want. I’m a fun masochist, so my requests for a good beating were rarely turned down. But those were hour-long events. When lucky, I was invited to spend a weekend serving a Domme. A weekend of domestic chores with some good, sadistic play mixed in. The energy was great, but these were all friendships. For an extended period, I’d served one Domme on a regular basis. She had convinced me that the trick to fulfillment in all of this was NOT to fall in love. Love complicated matters. Dominance, submission, protocol. If you couldn’t be content with that, there was something wrong with you as a submissive. After all, she was granting me the privilege of serving her and receiving her marks and bruises. What more could a submissive want?

After about a year, she ended my service abruptly with an email and no explanation.

The next 6 -8 months were spent attending munches and play parties. I reverted back to switching for awhile just to increase my play opportunities. I “dated” a Domme here, a Domme there. Either their personality or style wouldn’t match what I was looking for. I was getting all the playtime I could handle. I even had some fairly regular sexual partners. So, by “kinky” standards, my life was perfect.

But I was still unhappy. My kinky life wasn’t “dark” – it was empty. I was walking away from each scene and each sexual encounter saying “Well, THAT was fun!” – but my heart was telling me something different. Looking over fresh bruises acquired the night before no longer held the awe and appeal it once did. Eventually my disillusionment caused play partners and sex partners to see me as “conflicted” and not so much fun anymore.

I stepped out of the lifestyle. I tried vanilla dating, but discovered that vanilla women were more neurotic than anything I’d run across in the lifestyle. So the emptiness grew inside. I felt that I did not fit in anywhere.

It was simply by chance that an old friend said, “I know you aren’t playing or dating. But what can it hurt to come out and hang with some of your own kind for an evening?” Another person had decided to come along with some kinky friends to just “hang out” that night as well. And if not for that twist of fate, perhaps we would have never met. And it wasn’t even until I’d chatted it up with this “friend of a friend of a friend” and we were parting ways for the evening that I learned her name – Mistress Oasis.

I have to stop there, because to write anymore about it would be giving away a chapter of my book. But hopefully, someone who is wandering about feeling empty in this lifestyle will stumble upon this writing of mine. To them I would say “Don’t give up.” Take a break if you need to, but don’t quit showing up. This lifestyle has new people filtering into it every day. And it’s not all twenty-somethings who just finished reading “50 Shades.” There are women coming into this community in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s who have wanted to rule men all their lives and only now have decided to shed society’s “norms” and seek what they crave.

But you have to be there if you’re going to meet them. I hope you find yours soon!

– Slave Dragos

 

Find my books at Amazon.com (Click on the images to go to the book page)

Delayed Rewards

Submissive males, here’s some advice that could prove invaluable to you:
Set aside your overbearing desire for sex – and you just might wind up having better sexual experiences that you’ve ever dared dream of.

In my book, ENERGY and BDSM, I discuss energy between BDSM practitioners, how to become more aware of your own energy, and ways to enhance that energy connection between partners in a BDSM environment. Since my start in the 90’s I’ve spent many years performing scenes at clubs and dungeons that had “No Penetration” and “No Bodily Fluids” rules, so early on I got to learn to appreciate the joy and intensity of an S/M scene without expectations of sex or orgasm – and I started out as a Top! Whenever I was not partnered in life with someone, I had a lot more play without sex than I would actually have sex itself. I always chased the “head high” of the experience, along with the energy connection with the person I was playing with at any given moment.

That’s not to say that I’m “a-sexual” or not very sexually driven or what-not. Hell, I LOVE sex. And I love orgasms. But I knew how to shelve that and enjoy a scene with a beautiful naked woman in front of me without constantly being focused on her or my genital or desire to get laid. That in itself had payoffs, as I gained a reputation as “that guy” who club managers and dungeon owners would recommend to any new ladies who might be there on their first visit and want to experiment, but didn’t know how or – more importantly – with whom to play. Being known as a Top who didn’t take himself too seriously, would stay well within limits, and never tried to take advantage of a sub or bottom gave me even more play opportunities.

I’ve always preached that “This is not just sex.” I used to get so disgusted at people who couldn’t get past the naked imagery and the raw arousal quality of what we kinksters do. But, as I’m older, I realize that for some that’s as deep as BDSM or D/s will ever go and there is no interest in seeing anything more in it. They’re not “bad.” They just aren’t interested in experiencing anything deeper than an orgasm.

However, for you guys who identify for real as one who gains his happiness when making someone else happy, one of the first things you must learn is to regulate the flames of sexual desire for the purpose of attaining a place within your higher calling. I didn’t say give up on sex, or totally deny yourself sex. I said REGULATE. The Dommmes I’ve known far prefer to control a man who is already in control of himself.

It is not a losing proposition. Let me tell you what you stand to gain. Having those above-stated qualities can attract some very strong, sophisticated, and caring women to you. Turning your focus from sex to simply pleasing a woman without expectations can lead to very meaningful relationships. this can lead to falling in love. I’m here to tell you that sex with a strong, intelligent, dominant and caring woman that you are madly and helplessly in love with is an experience like no other. Your wildest visually oriented sex fantasies come nowhere close to what is felt when there is a heart connection.

I am desperately in love with my incredible Mistress, who also loves me. That alone makes the service better. It makes the naked vulnerability better. It makes the pain better. And when she orders me to “Get on that bed!” – what follows is a body, mind and HEART experience that has been known to almost render me unconscious at times.

Guys – it all begins with focusing on her.

 

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Photo Shoot Today!

As part of our marketing strategy to promote my book, Energy and BDSM, Mistress Oasis and I did a little photo shoot at home, using our phones and a Go-Pro. Here are some of the edited photos. We had a LOT of fun doing these…

 

Do I not have absolutely the most Beeeautiful Mistress in the world!! (With a heart to match!!)

This was a fun pic. I’m not all about getting shoe heels in the keister, but the imagery came out really powerful. So, if you have some Dominant/submissive high-heeled fantasies – let your mind soar as you gaze at this shot!!

 

 

The shoes and that beautiful whip are indeed sexy, but it’s the woman who wears it and wields it all that truly makes my heart race.

I thought a chain attached to my P.A. piercing would look cool. Mistress Oasis found a position and an angle that made it look AWESOME!! Without reservation, this woman has my heart and love … completely.

One of Mistress Oasis’ favorite toys. A dragon tail made of rubber. It leaves marks….nice marks.

 

 

CBT – I love CBT! And some of my favorite CBT techniques is weights hanging from a parachute attached to my balls. Mistress likes this activity too. 😉

 

I’m kept in a chastity cage most of the time, except when Mistress Oasis is using my manhood for her enjoyment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By far my favorite photo – and the one I use for all my profiles and social media. You’re looking at the world’s luckiest sub!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another view of that amazing dress Mistress Oasis wore for our marketing shoot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We wanted a good shot that represented the love and bond we share. So many people depict FemDom relationships as cruel and harsh at all times. To be certain, Mistress Oasis and I share lots of gentle and loving times together. It’s the bedrock of our relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of these have Mistress Oasis’ name on them, some have mine. We both promote my book, each from several social sites.

Keep checking in – I’m still editing more images!!

 

– Dragos

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