More BDSM in the News!!

Have you ever wondered where all the leather came from?
Let’s Dissect Queer Men’s Longstanding Connection to Leather and BDSM
“But BDSM isn’t so much about the pleasure (or pain) as much as it’s about the experience and the intensity.”

Be Kinky – And Prosper
Kinky Sex Could Be the Secret to Your Success
“A healthy relationship to kink can absolutely be the underlying cause of some people’s success”

“Snow White” with a BDSM twist
Gaultier goes S&M with Snow White ballet costumery
“Snow White is dressed in a toga and the Queen wears a typically Gaultier-esque S&M style ensemble of thigh-high boots and a bustier.”

A prime example of how vanillas misunderstand us. This is self-mutlation, not sadomasochism – and this poor man needs professional help.
Sadomasochist, 30, hacks away at his own penis with a knife after porn video ‘sends him into a frenzy’
“When blood started pouring uncontrollably from his penis, Whisanu panicked and tried to stem the flow before calling paramedics.”

Well written vanilla article on the difference between BDSM and abuse.
There’s a difference between kinky and abusive and we need to be clear about that
You cannot be too clear about consent. Talk about it, discuss it over message or email. Ask direct questions. Do not assume. Just because someone is happy for you to slap their face doesn’t mean they’ll be happy for you to pull their hair.

 

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My EVOTION 3D Printed Chastity Cage

If you are interested in male chastity and you haven’t checked out the EVOTION WEARABLES male chastity cages yet, I highly recommend you do. Especially if, like me, you are a “grower” rather than a “show-er.” (Meaning that your penis gets a lot larger when you get an erection. Guys who are “show-ers” maintain roughly the same length between their flaccid state and their erect state) I grow from about 4 inches limp and relaxed to 7 inches erect – and my girth about triples. Although I’m not breaking any records in the porn industry with those measurements, those variations in size make it really tough for guys who wish to be kept caged on a continual basis.

My cage is equivalent to a wedding ring, or a collar to me. It’s the symbol of my intense love and devotion to Mistress Oasis. Cheap, “one-size-fits-all” metal cages bought from the popular adult toy websites proved too bulky and uncomfortable for long term wear. So we bought a CB6000. It came with 5 different sized “base rings” that go around the balls and the base of the shaft. Too large a ring would allow the whole contraption to slide down my junk and prove pretty much useless. However, selecting the right sized ring to keep everything in place in my flaccid state resulted in blood flow to my balls being cut off when I got hard, plus my penis would push the whole apparatus forward, causing a very painful pull on the balls. I also have titanium clamps from a vasectomy which would often get caught on the wrong side of that ring, causing excessive pain there as well. In the end, my erections managed to split the seam of the plastic cage in 4 months – and I think I have a right to brag about that.

Anyway, I moved on to Mature Metals, who make very nice custom steel cages. I took all the measurements as prescribed and ordered their JailBird model. It is honestly a very nice, well made cage. When locked inside, you definitely know that you are restrained. However, once again, I had similar problems. Mature Metals recommends measuring the penis at its relaxed, flaccid length (not the cold swimming pool shrinkage length). And they say to order just a bit small. So I ordered a 3 1/2 inch long model so I would fill it up comfortably when relaxed. However, again – once I’d grow in my sleep, the whole cage would ride forward and the base ring would become tighter and tighter. On several occasions we had to remove the cage in the middle of the night when everything was painful and purple. On the other hand, over the summer, I discovered that when I walked around and my balls would become relaxed and hang low, the heavy steel cage would slide down a couple of inches and the whole apparatus would rest just on top of my balls. Now, I don’t blame Mature Metals for this. Their product is exactly what they advertise. It’s a strong, high quality, very secure steel cage. I blame my own anatomy – which will not stay at those ideally measured proportions that the cage is built to. Maybe way down the road when I’m too old to have night erections, the JailBird will be a perfect cage for me. But for now, it’s been relegated to the bag of misfit toys.

 

 

I saw some posts on these custom 3D printed chastity cages about 8 months ago, and let’s just say I did a lot of homework. Their CAGE 7 model intrigued me, because it used no base ring around the balls. Over the last couple of years I’d seen chastity devices designed to cover just the head of the penis and , to be honest, I didn’t really like the appearance of them. They just didn’t look “right” to me. And there was also a psychological aspect missing: As a submissive male who wants a physical symbol of his devotion to his Mistress and her ownership of him, a device that entraps the entire genital package would seem to better offer that “feel” of complete captivity. However, a few months ago I realized that such devices were simply not practical to my physiology.

 

To keep this post relatively short, I’ll write another later with more technical details about my cage. But let me just say that I LOVE this chastity device.

Firstly, it’s polymer, so it’s LIGHT. It is held in place not only by my PA piercing, but by the custom shape of the cage surrounding the head. It actually has a “lip” that rests just behind the head to keep the whole thing from sliding around. So all of the stress is not just on my piercing. Because it has no base ring, it just follows whatever happens with my penis. The cage itself is 3 inches long, so when I’m hard, it simply encloses the last 3 inches, leaving the rest of the shaft exposed. When I’m soft, it covers up more of the shaft. And no more sore, purple balls!! The slots over the glans are just big enough to slip a Q-tip in for adjustment, but little else. So, no – I cannot pleasure myself through them. My cock is locked down securely. The whole thing is held together by the red ring around the base. The red ring is held shut by a small one-way plastic tab inserted between the closing ends of the ring. The tab is purple in the photos. It can only be removed by cutting the tab down the middle. Only then can the ring come apart and the pieces of the plastic tab can be removed from the ring ends. A new tab is put in place when the cage is put back on. I picked this option because of the slim profile – but they offer integrated locks, padlocks, and other locking options.

 

This model is not for everyone. It requires a PA or other piercing. But if you’ve got an extra hole or two in your pecker, and you’re having problems with cages that have base rings, you may want to look into EVOTION.

 

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More BDSM in the News!! 09/29/2017

China’s BDSM Expert
For sex advice, people in China turn to a 65-year-old female BDSM expert at $15 a pop
“Li Yinhe is known in particular for her research into BDSM, including her book Subculture of Sadomasochism, published in 1998, China’s first book on the subject.”

What’s wrong with “50 Shades”
This is why the BDSM community hates Christian Grey
“People think that Fifty Shades of Grey is real. That’s the problem with it. They think that this is how it actually works.”

“Non-Consensual” rape in World of Warcraft??
The BDSM underworld of the most disturbing ‘World of Warcraft’ sex dungeon
“The article states that a common occurrence at the tavern, for example, is for throngs of naked players to gang up on other players”

Do the vanillas “get it?”
BedPost: Popular culture often misrepresents BDSM
“People often view BDSM as the eroticization of violence because of the leather and chains and that causes a fundamental misunderstanding of kink culture.”

Irish city forcing bar owner to remove “vile” name
BDSM bar to take down contentious sign
The signage on BDSM has been a bone of contention since the bar opened in 2013.

 

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More KINK in the news…

CLICK ON THE LINKS TO GO TO THE NEWS STORY

 

In politics, there is “mud-slinging” – and then…well, I don’t even know what to call this.
Politician sends kinky pic of himself to rival on Facebook
“Labor candidate Strode replied that she was “too boring” to have any skeletons in the closet. It prompted Stone to send her the kinky picture appearing to show him taking part in erotic roleplay with an unidentified female.”

Add this one to your “BUCKET LIST!!”
Flamefest: Man dies and woman found unconscious after kinky sex festival in Tunbridge Wells
“A man was found dead in a tent and a woman airlifted to hospital yesterday after attending an outdoor sex festival.”

Cannabis and Kink – they’re magically delicious!!
How the BDSM Community Integrates Cannabis Into Kink
“BDSM is a tool to alter your consciousness. It takes you to a different place, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Pot is just like that. You have to know how to use it, and you have to use it wisely. When used the right way, it’s great tool for play”

Like I needed to be told…
Are you a pervert? Yes, you probably are
“BDSM and other non-conventional sexual practices are more familiar than you may know. Research has shown that fetishes and BDSM-like practices are very common in the general population. Normal, everyday people commonly fantasize about BDSM-like experiences.”

“FIN-dom” fanatics… READ THIS!!
Dominatrix charged for extorting married man who tried to end their relationship
“I’ll tell everyone you’ve ever met in your entire life,” the FBI said she allegedly wrote in one message. “I’ll tell the entire state of Michigan. It’s on.”

 

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Light At The End

Mistress Oasis and I had another of our phenomenal, mind blowing “US” Wednesdays again yesterday. We basically blow off work, clients, responsibilities – and spend a whole day playing, loving, connecting. The depth, the intimacy, the love and connection all came together perfectly. And I’ve woken up still swimming in that amazing headspace that feels like a warm sphere of pure love is encasing me – separating me from the world and all its coldness.

As I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, my mind wandered back to our initial meeting. It was quite accidental in many ways, and almost didn’t happen because I was at a very low point in my BDSM journey. It was only by happenstance that I showed up at the same place she was one evening. But that happenstance changed my life.

Without a doubt, the “darkest” time in my BDSM journey was early on in my first marriage. I was 21 and a soldier serving stateside at the time. We had been dabbling regularly into bondage play and some light flogging and spanking. I almost always topped her, but with persuasion had succeeded in getting her to switch a few times. However, deep inside I knew I needed to experience more of the “receiving” side of things. I knew I wanted to feel more intense pain, feel a greater loss of control and a greater sense of being under her power and whim. However, that was simply not how she was wired.

One night it all came to a head. After days of having tried to coax her to tie me down to the bed again and do “those things” to me, she finally erupted and let me have it. She made quite clear that my very manhood was in question as far as she was concerned. These things I wanted disgusted her and basically she wondered what kind of “real man” would want those things from a woman.
I spent that night in our guest bedroom with the lights off and kneeling in a corner for several hours. I sat there on my knees, tears streaming down, praying to the God whom I was always taught loved me and wanted good things for me. I prayed and begged for him to rip this horrible and disgusting thing out of me that made me a horrible and disgusting person. I wondered why a loving God would put such a terrible flaw into his creation. I’ve never abandoned my faith in God – but he did not remove the thorn from my side that night, despite all of my anguish.

Fast forward another lifetime. I was more than double the age that I was when I sat there on my knees asking God to make me a good person worthy of love. I’d been through two divorces, two careers, two home ownerships, etc. I’d been actively involved in the leather community for the vast majority of my adult life. I’d been a switch for many years and later put down the whip altogether and fully embraced being a submissive.

I was well liked and had all of the “play partners” I could possibly want. I’m a fun masochist, so my requests for a good beating were rarely turned down. But those were hour-long events. When lucky, I was invited to spend a weekend serving a Domme. A weekend of domestic chores with some good, sadistic play mixed in. The energy was great, but these were all friendships. For an extended period, I’d served one Domme on a regular basis. She had convinced me that the trick to fulfillment in all of this was NOT to fall in love. Love complicated matters. Dominance, submission, protocol. If you couldn’t be content with that, there was something wrong with you as a submissive. After all, she was granting me the privilege of serving her and receiving her marks and bruises. What more could a submissive want?

After about a year, she ended my service abruptly with an email and no explanation.

The next 6 -8 months were spent attending munches and play parties. I reverted back to switching for awhile just to increase my play opportunities. I “dated” a Domme here, a Domme there. Either their personality or style wouldn’t match what I was looking for. I was getting all the playtime I could handle. I even had some fairly regular sexual partners. So, by “kinky” standards, my life was perfect.

But I was still unhappy. My kinky life wasn’t “dark” – it was empty. I was walking away from each scene and each sexual encounter saying “Well, THAT was fun!” – but my heart was telling me something different. Looking over fresh bruises acquired the night before no longer held the awe and appeal it once did. Eventually my disillusionment caused play partners and sex partners to see me as “conflicted” and not so much fun anymore.

I stepped out of the lifestyle. I tried vanilla dating, but discovered that vanilla women were more neurotic than anything I’d run across in the lifestyle. So the emptiness grew inside. I felt that I did not fit in anywhere.

It was simply by chance that an old friend said, “I know you aren’t playing or dating. But what can it hurt to come out and hang with some of your own kind for an evening?” Another person had decided to come along with some kinky friends to just “hang out” that night as well. And if not for that twist of fate, perhaps we would have never met. And it wasn’t even until I’d chatted it up with this “friend of a friend of a friend” and we were parting ways for the evening that I learned her name – Mistress Oasis.

I have to stop there, because to write anymore about it would be giving away a chapter of my book. But hopefully, someone who is wandering about feeling empty in this lifestyle will stumble upon this writing of mine. To them I would say “Don’t give up.” Take a break if you need to, but don’t quit showing up. This lifestyle has new people filtering into it every day. And it’s not all twenty-somethings who just finished reading “50 Shades.” There are women coming into this community in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s who have wanted to rule men all their lives and only now have decided to shed society’s “norms” and seek what they crave.

But you have to be there if you’re going to meet them. I hope you find yours soon!

– Slave Dragos

 

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Delayed Rewards

Submissive males, here’s some advice that could prove invaluable to you:
Set aside your overbearing desire for sex – and you just might wind up having better sexual experiences that you’ve ever dared dream of.

In my book, ENERGY and BDSM, I discuss energy between BDSM practitioners, how to become more aware of your own energy, and ways to enhance that energy connection between partners in a BDSM environment. Since my start in the 90’s I’ve spent many years performing scenes at clubs and dungeons that had “No Penetration” and “No Bodily Fluids” rules, so early on I got to learn to appreciate the joy and intensity of an S/M scene without expectations of sex or orgasm – and I started out as a Top! Whenever I was not partnered in life with someone, I had a lot more play without sex than I would actually have sex itself. I always chased the “head high” of the experience, along with the energy connection with the person I was playing with at any given moment.

That’s not to say that I’m “a-sexual” or not very sexually driven or what-not. Hell, I LOVE sex. And I love orgasms. But I knew how to shelve that and enjoy a scene with a beautiful naked woman in front of me without constantly being focused on her or my genital or desire to get laid. That in itself had payoffs, as I gained a reputation as “that guy” who club managers and dungeon owners would recommend to any new ladies who might be there on their first visit and want to experiment, but didn’t know how or – more importantly – with whom to play. Being known as a Top who didn’t take himself too seriously, would stay well within limits, and never tried to take advantage of a sub or bottom gave me even more play opportunities.

I’ve always preached that “This is not just sex.” I used to get so disgusted at people who couldn’t get past the naked imagery and the raw arousal quality of what we kinksters do. But, as I’m older, I realize that for some that’s as deep as BDSM or D/s will ever go and there is no interest in seeing anything more in it. They’re not “bad.” They just aren’t interested in experiencing anything deeper than an orgasm.

However, for you guys who identify for real as one who gains his happiness when making someone else happy, one of the first things you must learn is to regulate the flames of sexual desire for the purpose of attaining a place within your higher calling. I didn’t say give up on sex, or totally deny yourself sex. I said REGULATE. The Dommmes I’ve known far prefer to control a man who is already in control of himself.

It is not a losing proposition. Let me tell you what you stand to gain. Having those above-stated qualities can attract some very strong, sophisticated, and caring women to you. Turning your focus from sex to simply pleasing a woman without expectations can lead to very meaningful relationships. this can lead to falling in love. I’m here to tell you that sex with a strong, intelligent, dominant and caring woman that you are madly and helplessly in love with is an experience like no other. Your wildest visually oriented sex fantasies come nowhere close to what is felt when there is a heart connection.

I am desperately in love with my incredible Mistress, who also loves me. That alone makes the service better. It makes the naked vulnerability better. It makes the pain better. And when she orders me to “Get on that bed!” – what follows is a body, mind and HEART experience that has been known to almost render me unconscious at times.

Guys – it all begins with focusing on her.

 

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Online Discussions – Sweat Not the Trolls

The BDSM world is unique, but not supernatural. Even on the cover of my book ENERGY and BDSM, I speak of the “dark and mysterious” world of BDSM. Well, what we do in the dungeon may be dark and mysterious. And some of the ways we interact with each other may have a level of “mystique” to them. But the reality is that kinksters are normal people with normal lives just like everyone else on the planet – no matter how much they may attempt to glorify their kinkiness on internet profiles.

This is something to keep in mind when you’re wandering through the “alternative reality” that is internet BDSM. And I’m not talking about porn or those “virtual ” games… no. I’m referring to the very real online  charade that goes on day after day on BDSM dating sites and social sites – like FetLife.

If you are a submissive male seeking companionship or more with a Dominant female, understand that  posting a profile on FetLife and calling yourself a Domme, does not mean someone has their shit together in real life. Think about it, with 3.6 MILLION users as of 2015, don’t you think that SOME pissed off, miserable, man-hating hags got through??

You betcha.

Some of you may like to hang out in the discussion groups for conversation,  entertainment, learning, or even to up your chances to meet someone. Some of these women who apparently lead miserable lives have decided to set up FetLife profiles and pose as “Dominant” women rather than “pissed off at the world – especially men.” (Would make a great FetLife profile category, huh?) And lots of them LOVE to hang out in the discussion groups.

I’ve been on FetLife since about 2008. Dragos was not my first profile. I’ve been around the block a few times, but decided to become more anonymous since publishing ENERGY and BDSM.  Submissive guys, there are GREAT, loving, caring, good-hearted women out there who appreciate what you are!! I know the search is tough and the pickings are slim. But don’t give up. And don’t let the man-haters of FetLife get you down. They like to get into the discussions and pick apart the topic, and/or individual’s responses to the topic. They’ll act like they are just joining the discussion, but then attack someone. They aren’t able to say “this is my opinion..XYZ” and then carry on with their lives. They are clearly the type of sad individual who must confront everybody for THEIR opinions and show that person their folly for thinking or speaking in such a way.

I recently had a couple if these biddies jump into a discussion that I started. I checked around into other discussions they had joined into, and they were doing the exact same thing – criticizing the OP, criticizing the topic, or how it was presented…criticizing other people (men) in the forum for their opinions and thoughts – basically trying to de-rail the discussion and send it crashing off a cliff. This makes them feel good, apparently. Like a vandal who paints graffiti on something is proud that he “left his mark” somewhere.

My advice to you, single sub-males, is to learn to recognize these life forms for what they are early on and not engage them. As a sub male, especially in a “sub male and Dominant women” type forum – it’s a losing proposition, because the other old cranks will come out of the woodwork and gang up. Just keep your polite conversation with the more civil folk, and let the male-haters fizzle out and seek other quarry. Remember, for every person that posts in a thread, about ten others read the thread without posting.

I do engage them – first because I’m in a dynamite committed relationship and I have nothing to lose. Second, I’m always marketing. Any publicity is good publicity. The other day, while a team of would-be Domme-Nazis picked and pecked at a topic I’d started, and demanded that the discussion was settled so I should shut up – I sat and watched visits to my personal blog going up and up. And I cleared several sales of my book in that 12 hour period.

Mistress Oasis finally stepped in and spoke her peace, which resulted in a couple of very nice PMs from submissives who had seen the post and thanked her for defending sub-males. Eventually the discussion died down and the man-haters moved on. They are still doing the exact same thing on other threads.

I’m not sure why these women are here, claiming to be Dominant women who love submissive men. But they are here. Don’t be fooled by the title. Watch their words and how they interact with men in those threads. Apparently, intelligent, outspoken, confident, and successful don’t count as “submissive” in their eyes.

 

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Photo Shoot Today!

As part of our marketing strategy to promote my book, Energy and BDSM, Mistress Oasis and I did a little photo shoot at home, using our phones and a Go-Pro. Here are some of the edited photos. We had a LOT of fun doing these…

 

Do I not have absolutely the most Beeeautiful Mistress in the world!! (With a heart to match!!)

This was a fun pic. I’m not all about getting shoe heels in the keister, but the imagery came out really powerful. So, if you have some Dominant/submissive high-heeled fantasies – let your mind soar as you gaze at this shot!!

 

 

The shoes and that beautiful whip are indeed sexy, but it’s the woman who wears it and wields it all that truly makes my heart race.

I thought a chain attached to my P.A. piercing would look cool. Mistress Oasis found a position and an angle that made it look AWESOME!! Without reservation, this woman has my heart and love … completely.

One of Mistress Oasis’ favorite toys. A dragon tail made of rubber. It leaves marks….nice marks.

 

 

CBT – I love CBT! And some of my favorite CBT techniques is weights hanging from a parachute attached to my balls. Mistress likes this activity too. 😉

 

I’m kept in a chastity cage most of the time, except when Mistress Oasis is using my manhood for her enjoyment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By far my favorite photo – and the one I use for all my profiles and social media. You’re looking at the world’s luckiest sub!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another view of that amazing dress Mistress Oasis wore for our marketing shoot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We wanted a good shot that represented the love and bond we share. So many people depict FemDom relationships as cruel and harsh at all times. To be certain, Mistress Oasis and I share lots of gentle and loving times together. It’s the bedrock of our relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of these have Mistress Oasis’ name on them, some have mine. We both promote my book, each from several social sites.

Keep checking in – I’m still editing more images!!

 

– Dragos

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