“FemDom Dating” is SO Controversial…It Got My FetLife Account Shut Down

The idea for my new book, “FemDom Dating: The Submissive’s Guide To Attracting Dominant Women,” occurred to me about a year ago. The thought was, instead of continually bashing “submissive” guys for the silly (and often disgustingly offensive) messages they send to Dominant women in their attempts to attract potential play partners, and possibly cultivate romantic relationships, why not create a comprehensive, easy-to-read guide that will show them how to properly approach these women??

Let’s be honest here. I know, probably better than most, that a HUGE number of men on alternative dating and social sites who claim to be “submissive” are not only NOT “submissive” – but they also don’t give a rat’s ass about anything outside of their own fantasies and orgasms. I get it. But at the same time, there are plenty of men wandering clueless through cyberspace who honestly and passionately dream of giving their time, their devotion, and their priorities to a strong, Dominant woman. But, they STILL think dick pics and “HI” messages are the way all of this is done. Those are the guys I wanted to reach, and help realize their dreams.

I know that it gets really old for you Dommes to read lame message after lame message from “subs” that reek of zero thought or creativity. But, I also believe that there are genuine guys out there who just need some brotherly guidance, rather than a cyber-punch to the face every time they ask a question on “Dominant Women” group discussions.

Anyone who’s written a book knows that the first step is to gather as much information and supporting facts as possible to give yourself a nice bundle of substantive material to weed through, and come up with the best writing ideas. And, so it was with this book. I didn’t want it to be completely anecdotal, based only on my experiences. So, I reached out and asked for input from Dommes on FetLife. I posted my request for some very general information in one of the groups.

Ohhhhhhhh Boy!!

Right away, Mistress Troll (not her real name) fired off a nasty reply, telling me how people like ME are ruining this community by taking advantage of others’ private information and communications. She went on to say that she hoped that John Baku himself would find out about my dastardly deeds, and ban me from FetLife forever. Then, she made sure to ANNOUNCE that she would be blocking my sorry ass – so there! Bleahhhhh!! (Picture a mean bitch sticking her tongue out when you read that.)

Meanwhile back at the farm, many Dommes did reach out to me privately and I appreciate all their assistance. Some even commented on how ridiculous Mistress Troll’s response had been.

Well, within a couple of days, I suddenly couldn’t log into my profile. I received a polite email from FetLife’s equivalent of customer service (I forget what they call themselves) telling me that my account had been frozen because they believed that I was currently violating, or was plotting to violate their rules of conduct. It took me a couple of days of back and forth emails, promising that I wasn’t going to take a bunch of people’s PM’s and splash them all over a book and publish it – complete with FetLife handles and whatnot. (And, subsequently, FemDom Dating does NOT contain any content from FetLife.) But in the end, my profile was back up. It was quite tempting, I must say, to give a little shout out to Mistress Troll, saying, “Yo bitch, I’m back!!” But thankfully, I’m more of an adult than she is.

Mistress Oasis took a peek at Mistress Troll’s profile and guess what? SHE whines, moans, and bitches in her writings and group posts about the exact issue I’m trying to address in my book! Sub males sending her trashy correspondence and expecting her to drop what she’s doing and engage in sex with them! So, one would think that she would appreciate my efforts.

Anyway, “FemDom Dating” is NOT controversial after all. It was written to benefit sub males and Dommes alike. The book has been published despite Mistress Troll’s efforts. It’s on AMAZON now, and was the #1 New Release within its category the very next day.

More than anything, I guess I feel kind of sad for someone whose only source of accomplishment and satisfaction is found in tearing down other people who set out to  create something to benefit others. I’m not sure if Mistress Troll was angry that someone would actually try to write an informative guide to help submissive males better themselves or if she thought she was somehow boosting her own popularity by trying to brand me as a danger to the FetLife community, and then attacking me as a straw-man.

FemDom Dating offers advice on self improvement – what works and what doesn’t when it comes to building online profiles, messaging Dommes, and posting in groups. I explain what has worked for me as far as cultivating friendships with Dommes, being respectful without grovelling, and how to propose meeting, dating and play in dignified and positive ways.

Check out my publisher, Well Heeled Dominatrix for other titles by FemDom authors.

 

Get FemDom Dating HERE
Get “Energy and BDSM” HERE

Sometimes I feel like a sub… Sometimes I don’t

I found a question in a group discussion from a guy asking how to get himself “into a submissive mood” after he’s come home from a hard day, and just can’t seem to switch from vanilla to “sub” on command.

A theme I touch on in both my books: FemDom Dating and Energy and BDSM is as follows: Before we are a sub, a Dom, a masochist, a sadist, a slave or owner – we are all human beings first.

As a human, we each have a soul and a psyche. These things aren’t static. They change. They evolve. They shift back and forth like tides in the ocean. And sometimes – like an ocean tide – we cannot stop or change what our minds and bodies are doing.

I’m submissive to Mistress Oasis – and only her. Toward everyone else, I’m a confident, strong, outspoken, opinionated man with strong values and some unwavering beliefs. So, my mindset shifts several times daily, from how I interact with the outside world to how I interact with my Mistress. Additionally, my interactions with her in public are different than my interactions with her behind closed doors.

However, I go through cycles where I cannot throw that switch and go from “jeans and T-shirt guy” to the naked slave on the floor licking Mistress’ boots. Sometimes, my pain threshold goes way off kilter and I cannot take anywhere near the pain I took last week. Sometimes, all of the naked domestic service and play in the world just won’t take my mind to that magical place I usually like to float around in for hours and hours. What’s a poor subbie to do?!?!

Well, if you are a sub and experiencing such difficulty, the first thing to do is to relax. Understand that this type of shift is normal. It can be frustrating, yes. Disappointing, yes. But, it’s a totally normal human condition.

In my opinion, there are lots of things you can do for your Dominant, even if you can’t get yourself into that “submissive” mindset. But first, communication is paramount. Your Dominant and you must have an understanding that:

1) There will be times when you will simply not be in “sub”” mode, and

2) What the two of you will do when this is the case.

(Note: Dommes can go through the same thing. They can have periods where they just want to co-exist with you without necessarily consider themselves “over” you. So, it’s a good thing to have an understanding about this as well.)

Once you and your Dominant have come to terms with the fact that you are in a slump, there are things you can do to maintain some of your submissive presence, without pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone.

  1. If your situation allows you to be unclothed, and being unclothed won’t throw you off emotionally, then by all means – get those clothes off. Even if the rest of your evening will be spent watching TV, doing so with you naked and your Domme dressed will still be an expression of your devotion as her sub. Add a collar if you like to really make the statement.
  2. Make dinner, or order it and serve it up to your Domme with a nice table setting.
  3. Draw a bath for her. Almost every woman I’ve known enjoys sitting in a tub and relaxing while having their back scrubbed gently and their hair washed. Some candles and a glass of wine can add a very loving touch.
  4. Foot rubs. Who doesn’t LOVE a good foot rub?? Again, add to the experience by doing it naked. Even better, sit on the floor and prop her feet up while she sits in a chair. Being on my knees and rubbing my Domme’s feet actually helps deliver me into my submissive headspace. If your Domme doesn’t like her feet messed with (I’ve known some just like that), then rub her back and shoulders.
  5. Brush her hair. A lot of guys don’t think of this. But, I’ve found that most women really love to have someone brush their hair for them.
  6. Finally, at bedtime, don’t just lay down and go to sleep. Whatever your sleeping arrangements are (some Dommes actually have their sub sleep on the floor) offer to first help her fall asleep. Most folks have favorite places they like to have rubbed gently. Back, neck, legs, butt, etc. Stay up and rub her favorite areas – or her whole body if she likes that – until she falls asleep.

Basically, use these periods of submissive “malaise” as opportunities for romantic interludes to show your appreciation for your Domme. I think a lot of guys relate being “submissive” with performing in a sexual or masochistic manner. In fact, “submission” takes many forms. Just think of things that will make your Domme happy and go for it!

 

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My motivation behind “FemDom Dating: The Submissive Male’s Guide to Attracting Dominant Women”

I’M SO EXCITED!!!! The manuscript is done. The cover is done. We’ve sent the files to the printer. Very soon, “FemDom Dating” will be on the market!!!!

Why I wrote “FemDom Dating: The Submissive Male’s Guide to Attracting Dominant Women”

The scene is all too familiar: A woman with a profile on either a BDSM online dating site or social site reads aloud a message sent to her from some unknown man, which was clearly a very poor attempt to win her attention, and some sort of positive reply. The person she’s reading it to rolls their eyes, laughs, and responds with something like, “Oh my God, what a schmuck!” or “What an asshole! What makes guys think it’s alright to say that to someone he doesn’t even know?”

I’ve heard and read thousands of these from girlfriends, friends, and casual play Dommes. Even my ex-wife (when we were married) would show me the ridiculous things men would write in an attempt to say just the right thing that will raise her eyebrow, make her read it once again, and send a response that basically says, “Tell me more.”

Heck, I STILL get to see them regularly from Mistress Oasis.

It’s easy to blow these men off as jerks, assholes, or desperate idiot wankers who are just constantly thinking with their dicks. And many of them are.

But, over the years, I’ve been watching the FemDom chat rooms and group pages. Lots of submissive men post genuine comments and questions, trying to figure out where they are going wrong. Sure, many of them seem virtually clueless – “I’ve had my profile up for three weeks and sent a hundred PMs out, and no Dommes will respond to me.”

However, I’ve seen others post very sincere questions, simply trying to find out what makes Dommes tick so that they can improve their “skillset” at attracting a Domme’s interest. And, more times than not, these men are criticized, belittled, or answered with terse comments that basically don’t help or show any level of empathy. I guess that’s what chewed away at me the most – seeing the lack of empathy toward these guys…assuming that they are just dumb, or too lazy to “learn,” or perhaps not really even a submissive. I see this happening even in the “101” or “newbies” groups. Few people want to remember that they, too, were once very new, and confused as to how all of this works.

The BDSM world has become much more complex than it was when I first started to interact with other kinksters. And, the sexual marketing that we are bombarded with at every click of a mouse can easily make it appear that it is okay to simply pick a profile and send a message like “Hi. I’m a submissive. I like to do X, Y, and Z and I want you to do this, that, and that to me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In my book, I talk directly to the reader. I’m honest but not critical. I explain things from a male point of view. I don’t just demand that you stop thinking with your pecker. I explain why it’s important to stop thinking with your pecker. I’m a guy, I understand where you’re coming from, and I don’t criticize you for thinking the way a guy thinks at a primal level. I explain the differences between online imagery and BDSM reality. At the same time, I explain how to evolve into what Dommes are looking for – from my own experiences, and those of others.

I’ve been “kinky” all my life. I’ve been in several committed BDSM relationships. I’ve been involved with many other women in “casual” BDSM play relationships over the past 30 years. I’ve hosted events that brought me in contact with hundreds of fellow kinksters. I’ve been Mistress Oasis’ sub for several years now. Imagine sitting down, having a beer with me, and asking me anything you wanted – and getting honest, non-judgmental answers from me. What worked? What didn’t work? What have I learned through it all? What would I repeat? What would I never, ever try again?

That’s how I wrote this book: with honesty, sincerity, and with respect for where you are right at this moment. Additionally, I explain things using a business analogy.

  • See yourself as a product. What do you need to do to make yourself the best product you can possibly be? In what areas of your life do you need to improve?
  • Market yourself. How to tell Dommes, “Look at me!!” – without sounding like a degenerate sitting at his computer with his pants around his ankles.
  • Close deals. How and when do you ask for a meeting? How do you act on a date with a Domme? How do you negotiate play, relationship, and other important considerations?

My goal is to help you become more of what Dommes are looking for. Simultaneously, I hope this book will improve the field of candidates that Dominant women face, and lessen the frustration they experience from sorting through page after page of insulting messages and approaches.

I wrote this book from the heart, with the intent on helping more people find the happiness they have been seeking. It’s my hope that this book will help submissive men who haven’t been able to attract a Domme, learn from others’ and their own mistakes, and to ultimately experience the connection and joy that Mistress Oasis and I have experienced over the years.

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Does Your “Dream Domme” Exist? – Reasonable Expectations

One thing that stands out in many online comments and messages offered by men claiming to be submissive is a lack of understanding of one major reality – Dommes are human beings.

A frightening number of “subs” hold a mystical, even surreal view of what Dominant women are really like. Additionally, they seem to hold very unrealistic ideals of what submitting to such a woman would entail.

It would seem that most of these men enter the online arena with a preconceived mental image of Dommes as being perfectly shaped, perfectly groomed, leather-clad vixens who are constantly on the prowl for the next horny sub to come into their lair to be stripped and “punished.” (Of course the “punishments” always consist of the sub’s favorite fantasy activities.) In these men’s minds, Dommes are always ready for the next scene, always expecting “proper” protocol and demeanor from subs, and always have a whip in hand, just in case.

In my book, FemDom Dating – The Submissive Male’s Guide to Attracting Dominant Women, I call this mental image the “Fantasy Dominatrix.”

The reality is that Dominant women, when you meet them, don’t outwardly appear any different than every other woman you’ve ever met. This is so important for you to remember if you are a single submissive male trying to meet Dominant women online. These women, Dominant as they may be, have no desire to play the “Mistress/slave” game until they have gotten to know a sub – very, very well.

Dominant women come in all shapes and sizes, and all types of personalities. They have good days and bad days. They have jobs, car payments, children, family issues, health issues, rent, and morning breath – just like everyone else  in the world.

If you keep this in mind, you’ll realize just how silly it is to “approach” these women online with stereotypical “submissive” grovelling, overly wordy proclamations of your submissiveness and desires, and dramatic terms of endearment like “Goddess” or “Mistress.”

Reality of D/s Relationships

In the same context, men also jump online with a skewed view of what it’s actually like to be in a Female led relationship.

I won’t lie to you. In my relationship as Mistress Oasis’ submissive, I’ve found a happiness and contentment that I never experienced in any vanilla relationship. Even in my relationships as a Top and a switch, I never came close to the overall jubilance I experience as a collared sub.

But, it’s not all nudity, bondage, whippings, and CBT. In fact, there’s not nearly as much of that as outsiders may think. We have a business and we work – hard. We have a home to keep up with. I have family, she has family. Life issues come up. Money issues come up. Health issues come up. Most of the time, we operate more as partners than we do as Mistress and slave.

I’m strong willed and outspoken. So is she. Often, we have to work things out as equals. I know there are some relationships in which “Her” word is always the last on any given subject. But, our relationship is a little more balanced. It doesn’t make me a “bad” sub or her a bad Domme. It’s just what works for us.

What kind of D/s relationship will work for you is something that will take time, effort, and communication with the Domme who lets you in someday. And, it won’t be 24/7 of her “commanding” you, and you obeying. It just doesn’t work like that.

Understanding these realities, and keeping them in mind as you craft your messages and ask questions on group forums, will help you stand above the ocean of creeps, wankers, perverts, and losers calling themselves “submissives,” and will demonstrate to Dommes that you truly have submission in your heart.

Yes, your perfect Domme is out there. But, you’ll probably be surprised at how little she resembles your “fantasy Dominatrix.”

 

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Dommes not responding to you?? Nix the Pics of your DICK!!!

Imagine you were applying for a really great job. Let’s pretend it was something that was going to start you off with about six figures per year. Great pay, huh?

Now, let’s pretend that I was someone in the Human Resources department of that company and, while scheduling your interview, I said to you – “There is one thing that will absolutely guarantee that you won’t get hired here. The management hates purple ties. Whatever you do, DON’T wear a purple tie.

Now, let’s assume you show up on interview day with your purple tie on. And, you are SHOCKED when you are told at the end of your interview, “Thank you, but you’re not what we’re looking for.”

You must be thinking, “Well, I’m not that stupid. If you told me not to wear a purple tie, I wouldn’t wear one.”

If that is your answer, then you have just a slight idea of how totally oblivious A LOT of guys calling themselves submissive males are when it comes to online profiles.

I’m going to get right to the point here. Dommes do NOT care about your pecker!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t say that Dommes don’t like penises. Certainly they do. They like the penises that are attached to the male subs that they 1) get to know, 2) build trust and understanding with, and 3) agree to play with.

It is the penis that is splashed all over the profile of a submissive that sends them a “hello” message (whom they’ve never met) that Dommes don’t like. It’s without a doubt the NUMBER 1 complaint I hear and read over and over from Dominant women when it comes to their online experiences.

It doesn’t make sense, does it? They are women. You are certain that you have a really nice looking cock dangling between your legs. YOU like to see female breasts and closeup photos of vaginas. So, what gives? How could they possibly not be impressed by the 17 pictures you have of your flop-snake in various stages of rigidity and self bondage?

What I’m telling you here is not coming from me. It’s coming from thousands of women who are posting comments all over online forums, and a couple of hundred that I’ve personally befriended and spoken to in my 30 years in the lifestyle.

Here’s the deal, guys. Women THINK differently than we do. We men are visually and sexually driven. The sight of sexual organs draws our attention and interest. We straight guys love to see tits and pussy. Gay guys love to see dick. And bi guys – well, I guess they like looking at everybody’s junk.

But, women look past the physical. That’s not to say that they don’t look and assess physical attractiveness in a male specimen. But, they quickly move on to sizing up a guy’s intelligence, mannerisms, personality, confidence, and other things to determine compatibility. Dommes especially have a keen sense of knowing that they can pretty much have any cock they want. So, they look beyond that to assess the quality of the package that the cock is attached to (meaning the whole man).

None of this is to say that Dommes do not have a sexual drive or that they don’t enjoy a nice penis. Quite the contrary, they can be very sexual and even focus a lot of attention on their sub’s cock. But, that’s after they have established a friendly relationship with a sub.

Posting picture after picture of your schlong on your profile simply screams “I’m obsessed with SEX!!” What a Domme is looking for is a man who is obsessed with pleasing her. And by “pleasing her,” I don’t just mean sexually. And, I don’t just mean being good at foot worship or taking a good beating. What I mean is – can you satisfy her with your personality, your wit, your charm, and your obedience in non-sexual aspects and tasks?

But, prior to all of that, when she gets that message in her in-box that starts with “Hello Mistress So and So,” she’s simply trying to establish whether or not you are a “wanker.” In other words, are you simply looking for someone to please you? Someone to satisfy your fantasies? Someone to get you off? Guess what she’s going to think when she clicks on your profile (and she will) only to find a plethora of pictures of your sex organ?

I’m not saying that I’m completely against nude photos or dick pics. Hell, I have a few on my profiles. But, then again, I’m collared and monogamous. I’m not trying to find a relationship. If you are single and seeking, a good rule of thumb when it comes to phallic photos is: Less is better

 

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Don’t Bomb While Finding a Domme

Are you a submissive guy (or any other, for that matter) trying to find your perfect kinky partner? Are you bombing out consistently on FetLife?

Here’s a suggestion: Stop treating FetLife like a dating site.

One of the tips I repeat several times in my new book, “FemDom Dating,” is to remember that FetLife is a social site (like Facebook). It’s NOT a dating site (like AdultFriendFinder).

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t a scolding (like you are apt to receive inside any number of FetLife’s discussion forums). I totally get the fact that, as guys, we see profiles of hot women that include photos. Some of those photos are downright “wankable” in their arousal factor. Then, these women go on to add vivid descriptions of their kinky likes and interests. Some even state that they are seeking others to play with and/or build relationships with. Our primitive male hunter instincts say “CHARGE!!!”

Oh yes, there is a hunting caveman deep inside each and every one of us! So, we go after our prey, in the form of private messages. Most often, these take the form of either thinly veiled attempts at appearing casual:
“Hi, I really like your photos. I’m a submissive male who likes (fill in the blank). Would you like to chat?”

Or, some go right for the jugular:
“Wow! You’re really HOT. I love your tits! Can I be your slave?”

If you are engaging in such communications, I’m going to bet that you are bombing out most times. That’s because, despite what their pictures show, and what their words say, most women (especially the Dommes) are not on FetLife seeking their next date. It’s a social site. They are basically just expressing themselves. Simply going in for the kill is not going to work for you 99 times out of 100.

Now, I’m not saying you should never use FetLife to try to establish a relationship with someone who may become your forever Domme. But, you need to change your thinking. If you are sincerely looking for a Domme to serve, and you are not just seeking wank fodder – here are some tips that can help you get where you want to be in the FemDom world.

1) Get off the computer: If you aren’t involved in a nearby real life BDSM community, then it’s time to start. Attend munches, classes, discussion groups – whatever you can. If you don’t have events near you, make one of your own. I teach you how to do this in my book, FemDom Dating. Your chances of meeting a real, and available Domme will increase exponentially if you actually appear in person.

2) Don’t get tunnel vision: If you are going to use FetLife, think of it only as one “tool” in an overall networking strategy – not an online dating venue. Think long term and think broadly. Don’t contact a Domme with the idea that you are going to “get” that Domme. Instead, reach out to her with the idea of making just one more friend. That friend can lead to any number of possibilities – an intro to someone who is more compatable (or available), a contact at an event that you may not have known about, advice that can help you better yourself and your marketability as an available submissive, or maybe…just maybe, a relationship with this Domme herself. But, don’t start out with that as your one goal.

3) Friends – not strangers – become play partners … and more: Here is a fact from my kinky life. I’ve played with 34 women that I can specifically remember, and list, as well as others. Two were wives and six were long term girlfriends. All the rest were “casual” play. Every single one of them began as a FRIEND. Re-assess your goals in the BDSM world. Are your actions constantly dictated by a desire to simply engage in the physical aspects of BDSM? I know that the “hookup” culture today is very trendy. But this is BDSM – not fucking in a back alley. Far more communication, understanding, and TRUST is needed to play our games. Focus your efforts on making real friends with Dommes (and everyone else you can) without expectations of any particular friendship becoming something “more.” You will be amazed how much more receptive a real life friend who knows you as a good man will be to helping you fulfill your needs than some random “hot” woman you message online.

In my new book, I explain these and many other aspects of dating as a submissive male to help you become more marketable, more confident, and more successful in fulfilling your submissive needs in the BDSM world.

 

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Why I Chose Submission

Over the last several years of my life, I’ve had several friends both inside and outside of the BDSM community tell me that I’ve never seemed happier than I do now.

As I’ve written in my book – “Energy and BDSM,” I’ve been “kinky” as far back as I remember. Seriously. Long before I learned why little boys and little girls had different body parts and how babies were made, my young, innocent little mind swirled with macabre images of bondage and torment. Sometimes, I was the tormentor. Other times, I was the one shackled to a wall with an evil woman doing painful and lewd things to me while laughing viciously, and enjoying herself the entire time.

My little, pre-pubescent psyche was, as of yet, unencumbered by sexual understanding, pornography, or masturbatory urges. However, in those strange fantasies of torture and sadism, the consenting victim was consistently naked, emotionally hopeless, and spiritually broken – even though I was too young to have described those psychological states the way I can now. And, the villain would always take some time to focus on the most private and vulnerable parts of their prey, adding to the horror of the suffering captive.

I was also, by nature, the little kid who wanted to help everyone. Doing things for other people simply made me feel good. But, what also made me feel good was adventure and taking chances. Getting myself into situations that frightened me, and then overcoming them, gave me a strong sense of satisfaction – and probably took an extra 10 years off my parents’ lives.

That desire for helping others has followed me throughout my life, evidenced by my career choices and work ethic. I’ve always chosen work that 1) was based on self sacrifice in the interest of protecting or caring for others and 2) had an element of serious risk if mistakes were made. Interestingly enough, those jobs also came with the requirement of being able to control circumstances, other people, and myself.

So, it only seemed natural when I found the first outlet for my unique tastes in my late teens (my girlfriend suggested I tie her up and “have my way” with her) that I took the “Dominant” role. And, I enjoyed it. Having a willing “victim” to ravage was everything I’d imagined it to be. I was quick to understand the responsibility that came with that privilege as well. Entering into the “public” realm of practicing BDSM groups reinforced and enhanced my understanding with concepts like “SSC,” safety techniques, and detailed communication.

It wasn’t long, however, before I asked that she reverse the roles and treat me to some bondage and pain. She reluctantly agreed, and I can say that I understood right away that masochism and being restrained held a far different satisfaction for me that easily rivaled what I got from my sadistic endeavors. I tried to be careful, however, not to push too far because my girlfriend (who later became my wife) was clearly not an enthusiastic sadist. Looking back now, I realize she wasn’t really a sadist at all. Unfortunately, as cautious as I was, I was not always successful in not pushing too far for her – and it did cause some waves in the marriage. We divorced after several years. Not because of the kinky stuff, but due to other factors in daily life.

I spent several years switching. But, it was always with someone who was either primarily a submissive or a switch. And, honestly, I never really “submitted” to anyone. I “bottomed” as a masochist. I still enjoyed topping, and primarily lived that role. A good friend once told me that, having watched me in several scenes and in both roles, that I was the only person she knew whom she would call a “true” switch. She said that it was obvious that I was equally passionate, regardless of which role I was in.

It wasn’t until much later, when I first played with a good friend who was strictly a Domme, that I found something “deeper.” I can honestly say I was nervous going in, because I had convinced myself over the years that I was not a submissive. I enjoyed bottoming and masochism, but the one thing that frightened me the most was letting go of all control, and fully giving into someone else’s desires, with no expectations of what I would get out of the venture. I describe this experience in great detail in my book. But, for brevity here, let me just say that entering into the situation I feared the most is exactly where the magic happened for me.

Yes, we negotiated first. We talked extensively. She had me clearly define my limits, my fantasies, and my fears. Then, once the time and place was set, she made perfectly clear to me that – although she was going to respect my limits and keep me safe – I was going to be there to serve her needs. Any rewards or pleasure I would receive would be fully within her discretion.

Sex and orgasm were off the table. This would be a 100% service, submission, and pain experience for me. When the appointed evening began, I was scared, excited, and determined all at the same time. Once the evening was over and I was curled up at her feet, massaging her calves and marveling at the new universe my head was floating around in – I realized I’d found that utopia I’d daydreamed about so many years ago as a young, innocent, untouched soul. After a few more experiences like that, I realized that surrender and loss of control is what I wanted – and I wanted to experience it as deeply as possible.

After a few years of doing this on a strictly platonic level with sadistic Domme friends, I met Mistress Oasis. It was she that introduced a new ingredient to the mix – love and adoration. I can now say I’m officially addicted. I’m in love with her. I love serving her. I love showing her my appreciation in as many ways as I can each day. But, for me, nothing quite compares to the all-enveloping experience of being bound, stripped of all defenses and rights of protest (except for a safe-word), and hurt … all the time knowing that behind the maniacal, deviant smile of my sadistic tormentor lies a heart that melts a little more with every mark she makes, and every squirming moan she draws out of me.

Yeah, I was a good Top, and a good switch. But, it was in letting go and submitting that I finally found my true fulfillment. I haven’t topped in years and, to be quite honest, I’ve never been happier.

 

Find my books at Amazon.com (Click on the images to go to the book page)

Photo Shoot Today!

As part of our marketing strategy to promote my book, Energy and BDSM, Mistress Oasis and I did a little photo shoot at home, using our phones and a Go-Pro. Here are some of the edited photos. We had a LOT of fun doing these…

 

Do I not have absolutely the most Beeeautiful Mistress in the world!! (With a heart to match!!)

This was a fun pic. I’m not all about getting shoe heels in the keister, but the imagery came out really powerful. So, if you have some Dominant/submissive high-heeled fantasies – let your mind soar as you gaze at this shot!!

 

 

The shoes and that beautiful whip are indeed sexy, but it’s the woman who wears it and wields it all that truly makes my heart race.

I thought a chain attached to my P.A. piercing would look cool. Mistress Oasis found a position and an angle that made it look AWESOME!! Without reservation, this woman has my heart and love … completely.

One of Mistress Oasis’ favorite toys. A dragon tail made of rubber. It leaves marks….nice marks.

 

 

CBT – I love CBT! And some of my favorite CBT techniques is weights hanging from a parachute attached to my balls. Mistress likes this activity too. 😉

 

I’m kept in a chastity cage most of the time, except when Mistress Oasis is using my manhood for her enjoyment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By far my favorite photo – and the one I use for all my profiles and social media. You’re looking at the world’s luckiest sub!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another view of that amazing dress Mistress Oasis wore for our marketing shoot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We wanted a good shot that represented the love and bond we share. So many people depict FemDom relationships as cruel and harsh at all times. To be certain, Mistress Oasis and I share lots of gentle and loving times together. It’s the bedrock of our relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of these have Mistress Oasis’ name on them, some have mine. We both promote my book, each from several social sites.

Keep checking in – I’m still editing more images!!

 

– Dragos

Click here to get FemDom Dating at AMAZON
Click here to get Energy and BDSM at AMAZON