Life With My Cock In a Cage: Trials and Lessons of Male Chastity- Part 1

Note: In this series, I’ve posted links to videos that Mistress Oasis and I made to demonstrate various cages. Due to WordPress’s limited reliability concerning video file hosting (slow/buffering), I had the videos uploaded to Porn Hub. If you do not wish to have your computer navigate to Porn Hub, please DO NOT click on any images that indicate a video file. Each such link is specifically identified in its caption.


This 8 part series of blog posts chronicles my experiences with male chastity within a Female Led Relationship. I wanted to share with my readers what I’ve learned after having tried various “cages,” and expound on the realities of wearing a cage long-term versus the fantasy images that many guys have concerning being “locked.” This will include reviewing several examples of how wearing a cage affects your everyday life in ways you may have never even thought of. And, let’s face it – this is a great excuse to post a bunch of pictures of my cock without them really qualifying as “dick pics!” Right??

So, let’s get started.

Brief History– For many years, I had no desire to have my cock “caged.” In fact, I’m not even sure I was overtly aware of the existence of cock cages until only about seven years ago. I remember a girlfriend bringing up the idea, and explaining the concept of putting something on my dick that would completely cover and “lock” it. I remember thinking – and saying – “What the fuck would I want to do that for?”

A couple of years later, I was in service to “Mistress X,” whom I talk about in Energy and BDSM.” She had me tidying up her toy closet one day. (Yes, besides a play room, she had an ENTIRE CLOSET just for toys!) I found a CB3000 cage amongst the toys. I showed it to her, and asked if she’d ever caged a sub for extended periods before. She said she had on a few occasions. We discussed the subject broadly, and my curiosity began to stir about what it would be like to wear one long term, which I communicated to her. (At that point, “long term” in my mind equated to about a week or so.) However, she didn’t jump at the opportunity. Instead, she explained that it was a big decision, and not a simple thing to be caged. She offered to discuss it later, depending on how I did showing my submission in other ways.

About a month later, after an evening of play, Mistress X asked if I’d like to try wearing the cage overnight as I slept. (I spent weekends with Mistress X, and slept in the guest room – our relationship was non-sexual.) I agreed to try it. I recall being somewhat apprehensive, somewhat excited, and somewhat curious. We put the cage on and she placed a lock in the retaining post, but did not secure it. It was entirely up to me that night whether the cage stayed on or came off.

It was an interesting evening, indeed. In one sense, there was nothing really special going on. There was a plastic ring around my balls and a plastic tube encasing my cock – that’s all. However, it still kept me keenly aware of and focused on my genitals. In a way, it felt kind of sexy. And, still there was a sense of loss of my free will. I tried to imagine how I’d feel if this thing was locked, and someone else was in charge of when it came off. That idea bothered my independent, Alpha male senses.  “But, what if I were in love and owned by that woman? ,” I thought to myself in the dark.  Ahhhhhhh….that thought sparked a little more understanding. And, with some vague images of myself in a collar, lying next to a Domme who’s heart was connected to mine, and my manhood securely locked up in a cage, I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I took the cage off before going to the restroom. I cleaned and dried it, and went to the kitchen to start my day’s chores. At breakfast, Mistress X and I talked about the experience. I admitted that, indeed, it invoked a lot of feelings. I did not wear the cage again at Mistress X’s.

Fast forward a couple of years. I’d met Mistress Oasis and we had begun playing. She had one of those inexpensive “one size fits all” cages in her toy collection. We began incorporating that in our play. And, somewhere along the way, we fell in love.

This is where my journey down the male chastity path began.

>>>>>>>>>>Go To PART 2 >>>>>>>>>>>>

 

 

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Getting Your Mind Right for Play

If you have been in a long-term D/s relationship for any length of time, you know that life throws us little curve balls from time to time that can affect our moods and overall enthusiasm for the play we enjoy. Of course, we all have our little practices here and there that help us stay “in role” throughout our days, right? A slave may hand her Master his cup of coffee in a certain way. Or, a Mistress may plant a kiss on her sub with her hand around his throat as a reminder of her position over him. I have my own little idiosyncrasies that I’ll throw into my everyday interactions with Mistress Oasis. But, we aren’t always in the correct mindset to drop what we’re doing and jump into a scene. If we are honest with ourselves, some of life’s little challenges can do a real number on our enthusiasm.

As I wrote about in this post, it’s perfectly okay if you’re not in a play mood. We subs and masochists rely on our mindset the most to allow us to perform in our roles. I’d say if you really cannot shake the “blahs,” or you cannot get the day’s stresses out of your head, then NOT playing is an acceptable choice.

But yesterday was Wednesday – the day that Mistress Oasis and I eagerly look forward to each week. Wednesdays are set aside as our weekly “play day.” That’s not to say that we don’t play on any other day or night. But, we have declared every Wednesday to be totally devoted to play. No matter what, we turn off the work computers. I get the play room and the rest of the house set up. Phones are turned off. All day and well into the night, we play, and love, and interact within our roles with no outside interruptions. We do nice, long, intense scenes with leisurely breaks in between. And, despite my stresses this week – yesterday was another awesome play-day with my Mistress.

If you are like me, it is difficult to just put down all the little demons in your life and keep them out of your head for several hours to indulge in BDSM play. But mindset IS crucial in our arena. And, the harder you play, the more important it is to not allow wayward thoughts into your head. Here are 5 methods I use when I want to get myself out of the emotional funk and into play mode.

  • Give yourself permission – Remind yourself and accept that all of those problems that you are worrying about will be right there waiting for you again when you are finished playing, and that it is okay to put them on the proverbial “back burner” while you enjoy yourself for a little while. If you are a sub, perhaps it would help for your Dominant to verbally confirm that you have permission to set aside your worries for a while, and enjoy your time together.
  • Schedule Play – Impromptu play and play with little warning can be fun. However, it gives you little time to mentally prepare if you are in a funk. Trying to “push through” and just perform despite your head not being in the game can really turn out bad. Just ask any masochistic sub. We feel like total failures when we have to use a safeword and make our Domme taper down the intensity. With a specific date and time established for a scene, you have more opportunity to mentally prepare and establish the necessary mindset.
  • Ritualize – Come up with routines that signify your bond with your partner. Having certain rituals you do just prior to play is a great way to condition your mind and body. You can ritualize undressing, or having cuffs placed on. I have a particular leather collar I wear for play time. Only Mistress Oasis puts it on and takes it off. I assume a position on all fours for her to do this. Ritual. When my sensory deprivation hood goes on, I kneel on the floor in front of the couch and Mistress sits down to put it on me. Ritual. Other examples can be foot or back rubs, showering or bathing each other. Maybe doing some domestic chores is your thing. Over time, your mind associates the repeated ritual acts with the sensations and emotions you experience from the play. You’ll discover that just going through the rituals will stir emotions and arousal in you before you even get started with the play.
  • Start with sex – If you’ve read either of my books, FemDom Dating or Energy and BDSM, you’ll know that I put a lot of emphasis on not making sex your primary focus in your BDSM endeavors. The rewards are well worth any “frustration” you might suffer. However, if you are with an established and regular partner, then sometimes a good roll in the hay prior to BDSM play can really get your juices flowing, and help you re-connect. But for you guys, hold back the orgasm. We tend to perform better when we’re “under tension.” I’ve had lots of Dommes proclaim that most male subs are pretty useless after a climax. I know I lose about half my pain tolerance with an orgasm. Even if I take some time for a re-charge, and play again, my pain threshold usually isn’t the same.
  • Organize the play area – This aspect sort of blurs into the “ritualize” category. Certainly the act of organizing your play area can be ritualized. But, having your play area set up can help you avoid uncomfortable pauses in play that can pull you back out of the mood. Lay toys out neatly so each can be found easily. Pre-tie your tie points. Carabiners clips from Home Depot are cheap and handy for easy on / easy off subbie restraining. Adjust any straps, buckles, slides, or snaps on any accessories that have them so there is a minimum of fumbling when it’s time to put things on.

In the end, if nothing else works, you can always conclude that your head just isn’t right for play. But there are still non-play activities you can engage in within your dynamic.  But over the years, I’ve found that, using the methods described above, I’ve gotten myself out of some pretty bad funks and enjoy some fantastic scenes.



FemDom Dating: The Submissive Male's Guide To Attracting Dominant Women

Straight-Forward, honest advice on how to attract the Domme of your dreams. Learn how to build a high-quality profile that will get hits, send messages that will get responses. Learn about attending munches and parties. Speak to Dommes with respectful confidence. Proper etiquette for a date with a Domme- AND SO MUCH MORE. Stop dreaming about kneeling at a strong woman's feet and finally do it!!

  

ENERGY and BDSM: Exploration of a Deeper Experience


BDSM is sexy. But it is so much more! BDSM evokes strong emotions, amazing head-space, and loving connections. This book explains how to transform your BDSM play from just a spicy twist on sex to a positive force in your life that soothes the spirit. Turn your BDSM relationship into a powerful bond that will draw you and your partner deeper into each other's hearts. Along the way, Slave Dragos shares his own experiences with this energy connection. He explains his own growth in BDSM and how he came to realize this energy within himself. If you've ever wondered if kinky play can bring you more than just a good orgasm, this is the book for you!

 

Sometimes I feel like a sub… Sometimes I don’t

I found a question in a group discussion from a guy asking how to get himself “into a submissive mood” after he’s come home from a hard day, and just can’t seem to switch from vanilla to “sub” on command.

A theme I touch on in both my books: FemDom Dating and Energy and BDSM is as follows: Before we are a sub, a Dom, a masochist, a sadist, a slave or owner – we are all human beings first.

As a human, we each have a soul and a psyche. These things aren’t static. They change. They evolve. They shift back and forth like tides in the ocean. And sometimes – like an ocean tide – we cannot stop or change what our minds and bodies are doing.

I’m submissive to Mistress Oasis – and only her. Toward everyone else, I’m a confident, strong, outspoken, opinionated man with strong values and some unwavering beliefs. So, my mindset shifts several times daily, from how I interact with the outside world to how I interact with my Mistress. Additionally, my interactions with her in public are different than my interactions with her behind closed doors.

However, I go through cycles where I cannot throw that switch and go from “jeans and T-shirt guy” to the naked slave on the floor licking Mistress’ boots. Sometimes, my pain threshold goes way off kilter and I cannot take anywhere near the pain I took last week. Sometimes, all of the naked domestic service and play in the world just won’t take my mind to that magical place I usually like to float around in for hours and hours. What’s a poor subbie to do?!?!

Well, if you are a sub and experiencing such difficulty, the first thing to do is to relax. Understand that this type of shift is normal. It can be frustrating, yes. Disappointing, yes. But, it’s a totally normal human condition.

In my opinion, there are lots of things you can do for your Dominant, even if you can’t get yourself into that “submissive” mindset. But first, communication is paramount. Your Dominant and you must have an understanding that:

1) There will be times when you will simply not be in “sub”” mode, and

2) What the two of you will do when this is the case.

(Note: Dommes can go through the same thing. They can have periods where they just want to co-exist with you without necessarily consider themselves “over” you. So, it’s a good thing to have an understanding about this as well.)

Once you and your Dominant have come to terms with the fact that you are in a slump, there are things you can do to maintain some of your submissive presence, without pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone.

  1. If your situation allows you to be unclothed, and being unclothed won’t throw you off emotionally, then by all means – get those clothes off. Even if the rest of your evening will be spent watching TV, doing so with you naked and your Domme dressed will still be an expression of your devotion as her sub. Add a collar if you like to really make the statement.
  2. Make dinner, or order it and serve it up to your Domme with a nice table setting.
  3. Draw a bath for her. Almost every woman I’ve known enjoys sitting in a tub and relaxing while having their back scrubbed gently and their hair washed. Some candles and a glass of wine can add a very loving touch.
  4. Foot rubs. Who doesn’t LOVE a good foot rub?? Again, add to the experience by doing it naked. Even better, sit on the floor and prop her feet up while she sits in a chair. Being on my knees and rubbing my Domme’s feet actually helps deliver me into my submissive headspace. If your Domme doesn’t like her feet messed with (I’ve known some just like that), then rub her back and shoulders.
  5. Brush her hair. A lot of guys don’t think of this. But, I’ve found that most women really love to have someone brush their hair for them.
  6. Finally, at bedtime, don’t just lay down and go to sleep. Whatever your sleeping arrangements are (some Dommes actually have their sub sleep on the floor) offer to first help her fall asleep. Most folks have favorite places they like to have rubbed gently. Back, neck, legs, butt, etc. Stay up and rub her favorite areas – or her whole body if she likes that – until she falls asleep.

Basically, use these periods of submissive “malaise” as opportunities for romantic interludes to show your appreciation for your Domme. I think a lot of guys relate being “submissive” with performing in a sexual or masochistic manner. In fact, “submission” takes many forms. Just think of things that will make your Domme happy and go for it!

 

Find my books at Amazon.com (Click on the images to go to the book page)

My EVOTION 3D Printed Chastity Cage

If you are interested in male chastity and you haven’t checked out the EVOTION WEARABLES male chastity cages yet, I highly recommend you do. Especially if, like me, you are a “grower” rather than a “show-er.” (Meaning that your penis gets a lot larger when you get an erection. Guys who are “show-ers” maintain roughly the same length between their flaccid state and their erect state) I grow from about 4 inches limp and relaxed to 7 inches erect – and my girth about triples. Although I’m not breaking any records in the porn industry with those measurements, those variations in size make it really tough for guys who wish to be kept caged on a continual basis.

My cage is equivalent to a wedding ring, or a collar to me. It’s the symbol of my intense love and devotion to Mistress Oasis. Cheap, “one-size-fits-all” metal cages bought from the popular adult toy websites proved too bulky and uncomfortable for long term wear. So we bought a CB6000. It came with 5 different sized “base rings” that go around the balls and the base of the shaft. Too large a ring would allow the whole contraption to slide down my junk and prove pretty much useless. However, selecting the right sized ring to keep everything in place in my flaccid state resulted in blood flow to my balls being cut off when I got hard, plus my penis would push the whole apparatus forward, causing a very painful pull on the balls. I also have titanium clamps from a vasectomy which would often get caught on the wrong side of that ring, causing excessive pain there as well. In the end, my erections managed to split the seam of the plastic cage in 4 months – and I think I have a right to brag about that.

Anyway, I moved on to Mature Metals, who make very nice custom steel cages. I took all the measurements as prescribed and ordered their JailBird model. It is honestly a very nice, well made cage. When locked inside, you definitely know that you are restrained. However, once again, I had similar problems. Mature Metals recommends measuring the penis at its relaxed, flaccid length (not the cold swimming pool shrinkage length). And they say to order just a bit small. So I ordered a 3 1/2 inch long model so I would fill it up comfortably when relaxed. However, again – once I’d grow in my sleep, the whole cage would ride forward and the base ring would become tighter and tighter. On several occasions we had to remove the cage in the middle of the night when everything was painful and purple. On the other hand, over the summer, I discovered that when I walked around and my balls would become relaxed and hang low, the heavy steel cage would slide down a couple of inches and the whole apparatus would rest just on top of my balls. Now, I don’t blame Mature Metals for this. Their product is exactly what they advertise. It’s a strong, high quality, very secure steel cage. I blame my own anatomy – which will not stay at those ideally measured proportions that the cage is built to. Maybe way down the road when I’m too old to have night erections, the JailBird will be a perfect cage for me. But for now, it’s been relegated to the bag of misfit toys.

 

 

I saw some posts on these custom 3D printed chastity cages about 8 months ago, and let’s just say I did a lot of homework. Their CAGE 7 model intrigued me, because it used no base ring around the balls. Over the last couple of years I’d seen chastity devices designed to cover just the head of the penis and , to be honest, I didn’t really like the appearance of them. They just didn’t look “right” to me. And there was also a psychological aspect missing: As a submissive male who wants a physical symbol of his devotion to his Mistress and her ownership of him, a device that entraps the entire genital package would seem to better offer that “feel” of complete captivity. However, a few months ago I realized that such devices were simply not practical to my physiology.

 

To keep this post relatively short, I’ll write another later with more technical details about my cage. But let me just say that I LOVE this chastity device.

Firstly, it’s polymer, so it’s LIGHT. It is held in place not only by my PA piercing, but by the custom shape of the cage surrounding the head. It actually has a “lip” that rests just behind the head to keep the whole thing from sliding around. So all of the stress is not just on my piercing. Because it has no base ring, it just follows whatever happens with my penis. The cage itself is 3 inches long, so when I’m hard, it simply encloses the last 3 inches, leaving the rest of the shaft exposed. When I’m soft, it covers up more of the shaft. And no more sore, purple balls!! The slots over the glans are just big enough to slip a Q-tip in for adjustment, but little else. So, no – I cannot pleasure myself through them. My cock is locked down securely. The whole thing is held together by the red ring around the base. The red ring is held shut by a small one-way plastic tab inserted between the closing ends of the ring. The tab is purple in the photos. It can only be removed by cutting the tab down the middle. Only then can the ring come apart and the pieces of the plastic tab can be removed from the ring ends. A new tab is put in place when the cage is put back on. I picked this option because of the slim profile – but they offer integrated locks, padlocks, and other locking options.

 

This model is not for everyone. It requires a PA or other piercing. But if you’ve got an extra hole or two in your pecker, and you’re having problems with cages that have base rings, you may want to look into EVOTION.

 

Find my books at Amazon.com (Click on the images to go to the book page)

 

 

 

 

Photo Shoot Today!

As part of our marketing strategy to promote my book, Energy and BDSM, Mistress Oasis and I did a little photo shoot at home, using our phones and a Go-Pro. Here are some of the edited photos. We had a LOT of fun doing these…

 

Do I not have absolutely the most Beeeautiful Mistress in the world!! (With a heart to match!!)

This was a fun pic. I’m not all about getting shoe heels in the keister, but the imagery came out really powerful. So, if you have some Dominant/submissive high-heeled fantasies – let your mind soar as you gaze at this shot!!

 

 

The shoes and that beautiful whip are indeed sexy, but it’s the woman who wears it and wields it all that truly makes my heart race.

I thought a chain attached to my P.A. piercing would look cool. Mistress Oasis found a position and an angle that made it look AWESOME!! Without reservation, this woman has my heart and love … completely.

One of Mistress Oasis’ favorite toys. A dragon tail made of rubber. It leaves marks….nice marks.

 

 

CBT – I love CBT! And some of my favorite CBT techniques is weights hanging from a parachute attached to my balls. Mistress likes this activity too. 😉

 

I’m kept in a chastity cage most of the time, except when Mistress Oasis is using my manhood for her enjoyment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By far my favorite photo – and the one I use for all my profiles and social media. You’re looking at the world’s luckiest sub!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another view of that amazing dress Mistress Oasis wore for our marketing shoot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We wanted a good shot that represented the love and bond we share. So many people depict FemDom relationships as cruel and harsh at all times. To be certain, Mistress Oasis and I share lots of gentle and loving times together. It’s the bedrock of our relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of these have Mistress Oasis’ name on them, some have mine. We both promote my book, each from several social sites.

Keep checking in – I’m still editing more images!!

 

– Dragos

Click here to get FemDom Dating at AMAZON
Click here to get Energy and BDSM at AMAZON

 

 

It’s Not Easy

This lifestyle is not easy. Being a submissive is not easy. Being a Dominant is not easy. Incorporating this stuff into general life is not easy. I believe the fact that Mistress Oasis and I (and thousands of others around the globe) go through the rigors and challenges required to be able to incorporate this lifestyle into our daily lives is a testament to how powerful a thing this lifestyle truly is, once you let it become more than just a really intense way to have sex.

In “ENERGY and BDSM,” I give the reader a peek into our lives. However, there are things I don’t discuss. Quite simply, Mistress Oasis and I do not wish for every detail of our lives to be on display. Everybody prefers to have some level of privacy in their lives.

However, here’s a little more of what’s behind the curtain:

Although we are two consenting adults, and are in a better position than many out there to follow our hearts and live this lifestyle to the hilt, the reality is that there are still limitations and hurdles. Since we run a business in the vanilla world, there are demands on our time and resources. As much as we do infuse our dynamic into our daily lives to the extent possible, we simply are not free to be entirely “us” 100% of the time.

As a submissive, I cannot act or speak naturally at all times. I have a strong personality – I’m a fixer, a trouble shooter, a straight talker. I’m constantly at battle with myself not to be overbearing in my speech or action because I want and need to be in a place that is subservient to her. However, I’m trusted to be decisive and bold in my responsibilities to the business. For efficiency’s sake, there is scant room for me to have to ask permission for each decision I make. When focused and intent, my words can sometimes be quick and sharp.  I try to balance that part of me with the man in me who is most at peace when kneeling at her feet. But, having been a survivor in the real world for so long, it’s a challenge to soften that edge of my personality. It simply comes too naturally.

Mistress Oasis is strong and bold – caring little of what others say or think about what she does or says. Many a fool in her past made the dire mistake of telling her that she wouldn’t amount to anything. They only succeeded in lighting a fire in her that still burns today. If they really wanted to accomplish destroying her will, perhaps they should have kept repeating, “You’re a wonderful person and everyone loves you just the way you are…” But, they didn’t tell her that. So, she set about hammering her mark into the world and her success has far surpassed that of all her nay-sayers.

I love her because she beat back all of her detractors simply by putting the pedal down and moving full speed ahead. But, she’s not a stone. She has a heart that never seems to run out of space for those she cares for. She’s one of those who has taken in a lot of strays. Not animals – people. While I’m a “fixer,” she is a “healer.” She wants to heal those who seem to have been cast aside by the world. (Maybe there is something in that heart that wants to heal all the people who have heard too many of the same things she was told for so long.) I’m in love with this part of her, too.

Being a Dominant is no easier than being a submissive. I know that she is constantly balancing a desire to completely control me with an equally strong desire not to hurt me or make me feel unloved. It is that real concern for me and my wellness that draws me in deeper. Some may say that she isn’t “dominant enough” because she cares too much about my happiness. There are too many out there saying, “It’s all about me. You serve my interests and yours don’t matter.”  I know that’s a nice fantasy but it would be a very empty life, I think – unless one was a pathological narcissist. Yeah…dream on, Ye frosty Queens of the ice regions!

It’s that balance we try to keep that makes this hard. So much easier our lives would be if we simply made this something that we do for a great fuck! However, that’s not who we are. These “roles” come to us too naturally. And, too often we have to “shelve” our real selves because life requires that we attend to it.

I’m quick to point out to people that it’s impossible to be in our BDSM mindset 24/7, no matter what anyone claims to have. I’m also the first to regret that reality. Perhaps that’s why the Gor books were so popular. I read a couple of them out of curiosity, but have always been skeptical of those who try with all of their might to emulate a work of fiction in their own lives. But, I see where such a world in which naked slaves are led through the streets, used, and sold at a whim can be so very intriguing – maybe even to a point of obsession.

The reality is that incorporating D/s and sadomasochism regularly into our lives takes work, and balance. It takes understanding and empathy. It’s not easy and it doesn’t happen all by itself. But, I know that this is who I am. I love the one who holds my key and I’ll be happy with however much of this I can get.

“No Limits”

How much of a “slave” can one be in a consensual relationship?

As I’m bouncing around the internet to market my book, I’m on all the big social sites. I like to browse around looking at other kinky people’s profiles and postings for ideas. Sometimes, I run into someone’s blog and, again, I’ll read through it to get ideas for my own here.

I’m amazed that I keep finding people who pontificate over the concept of total ownership, complete control, absolute and unmitigated submission – and “no safe words.” (No, this will not be a finger-wagging post about safety…read on.)

In the interest of full-disclosure, I chose to call myself “Slave Dragos” because it sounds really cool – a lot better than “Submissive Dragos.” I even start my  book “ENERGY and BDSM” with a very intriguing introduction:
“I lead a life that most only read or hear about in sordid novels or risque movies – I am a male slave.”
In fact, within a few sentences, I clarify that I’m a “submissive” for those who wish to debate such things.

Mistress Oasis refers to me as her “slave.” However, I do have and can use safe-words. My rights, feelings and needs are respected. We even have this dreaded discussion from time-to-time:
“What would you like for lunch, Miss?”
“I don’t know…what are you in the mood for?”
“Makes no difference to me, Miss. Would you like some of that roast beef in the fridge?”
“Why don’t we just order something for delivery.”
“I’d be happy to, Miss…who should I call?”
“I don’t know – what do you what?”

Now, does THAT sound like slavery to you??

But, I still find these musings online by people claiming to be “slaves” and having no rights or say in anything, or by Dominants, “Masters” and “Mistresses” discussing the differences and nuances between a
“submissive” and a “slave.”

I noticed a blog last week by a woman in which the introduction said that this was a blog about her journey as a slave, who had given up everything – family, possessions, her very will to be completely owned by her Mistress. No rights, no limits, and NO SAFE WORDS!

My question would be this: Would anyone of sound mind consciously agree to such an arrangement if they didn’t believe to some extent that this person they are going to give up “everything” for is, indeed, going to respect their physical and mental needs. I mean, seriously, one makes a conscious decision to serve this person for certain <i>reasons<i>. Something about that person is attracting the “slave” to this arrangement. Would anyone truly agree to “give up their will” if they did not expect some psychological reward from the act? Is that “slavery.”

Examining the “No Safe Words” claim of such arrangements, I find even more fantasy rather than rationality. I think most people associate safe words with sadistic activity, the basic rule of thumb being, “If it’s bad pain and not good pain, use your safe word.” However, I can use a safe word (or explanation in plain terms) even to stop non-sadistic activity. One of my staunch hard limits is humiliation in front of others. I absolutely do not wish to be the butt of everyone’s humor, especially when already in the vulnerable state of submission, nudity…everything that comes from being the sub in a scene. In the safety of private play, I truly let myself go and there is little that Mistress Oasis could say or do to me that I wouldn’t embrace if I knew it pleased her. But, that primal part of me is hers, and hers alone to witness and exploit for her
pleasure. So, it is possible for me to safe-word if we were in a public scene and I felt that things were moving toward a humiliation aspect. But, she knows me well enough to never humiliate me in public.  Nor would she want to.

I can see where, if I were a “real slave,” I might not be permitted to change the direction of a scene if it became humiliating. But, why would I be there and endure it if that were the case? Well, I can imagine that, for some, the very notion of enduring something that they genuinely don’t enjoy for the sake of their owner’s pleasure is – in itself – a rewarding experience. Indeed, I think every real submissive has a level of martyrdom in him/her. (By “real” submissive, I refer to the difference between one who submits because
they derive pleasure from pleasing their Dominant versus those who act in submissive ways for their own sexual satisfaction.)

With that established, let’s look at “No Limits” and “No Safe Words” through the prism of physical sadistic activity. Since giving up being a switch, and embracing submission fully, I’ve pushed myself way beyond what I ever thought I could take pain-wise on several occasions. I’ve personally been in that place where the pain is no longer “good,” I’m no longer turned on by it, and it hurts like hell – and yet I consciously and rationally choose not to call a safe word to stop or de-escalate the activity.

WHY?? The answer lies in that connection I have with Mistress Oasis and my love for her. I may be miserable at that time. But, I know that this is the moment where her heart melts and she falls in love with me all over again. Something about seeing me cringing, shivering and quaking – clearly in “endurance” mode – allowing her to strike with all her might, really pushes her buttons, and brings us to a place of deep love and adoration. I want that. So, who am I really a slave to? I believe at that moment I’m a slave to myself, as I’m the one denying myself the rescue that could easily be invoked with a safe-word.

What about the “slave” with no safe word? Are they not in the same head space as I’m in? But now, what happens if the “no safe word” slave realizes that an actual injury has occurred? Are we to believe that these slaves’ expectation is that their owners have the absolute right to continue on with a scene in such a case? And, to say, “Well, my Master would stop if he knew I was injured…” doesn’t really jibe with the whole “no safe-word” theme, does it? Wouldn’t saying ,”Oh SHIT! I think my kidney just ruptured!” or “OW! My right nut just suddenly got really, really painful!” count as “SAFE-WORDS?”

Or, would the “No Limits” slave actually be fine with their owner replying with “Hey, this is what you signed up for. I’m having fun…deal with it.” ??

I’ve also heard the argument, “I obey fully and have no say in anything my Master does, but I know he wouldn’t do anything to really hurt or damage me.” Okay, well that means the “slave” has given up their rights and choices under certain agreed conditions – mainly that Master won’t cross certain lines nor
breach certain limits. OOPS, there’s that pesky “L-word” again! And, if Master does decide to ignore those conditions, what is the “slave’s” recourse. Well, here in the USA, that person ultimately has the right to pack their shit and say “ADIOS.” At that point, if Master endeavors to restrain that person, or prevent their departure, then we have criminal laws to deal with that. Hey, look at how many news stories have surfaced in the last 10 years about women who signed “slave contracts,” and later sued or filed criminal charges against their Master.

I have no problem with anyone who calls themselves “slave,” “submissive,” “bottom,” “kajira,” – whatever. Again, Mistress Oasis and I use “Slave” and “Submissive” interchangably. But, when I see someone figuratively beating their chest as they pontificate on how they are a total slave, with no rights, no safe words, and no will of their own, I cannot help but wonder if they know just how unrealistic their claims are.