Both of my books, “FemDom Dating” and “Energy and BDSM,” although applicable to all types of kinksters, are generally geared toward those in devoted relationships – or those seeking a devoted relationship.
We all spend a portion of our lives single. Some more than others. And some find comfort and a sense of safety in never fully opening themselves up to others – even when in committed relationships
I’ve been there. I know the experience of being with someone, living with someone, even loving someone – and yet holding parts of yourself back for fear of …whatever. It may be judgement. It may be abandonment. In fact, I’m certain that it was harsh judgement early in my adulthood by my first wife that laid the foundation for some incredibly thick barriers that I built around myself over the years. For a time, I even became “that guy” who simply met women for the sole purpose of play with no strings attached. Yes, there were plenty of willing participants who took from me no more and no less than they gave and parted ways none the worse for wear. But, at the same time, I know I left some collateral damage and broken hearts behind. I’m likely responsible for several walls out there around other people’s hearts.
Maybe you can relate. I don’t believe that my story is unique. And you can exist like this. It won’t kill you. However, over time, it gradually leaves you feeling more and more empty inside. BDSM play has never failed to arouse me, excite me, send me into orbit, and leave me breathless. However, I can attest that years of playing with acquaintances, “just friends” or girlfriends with whom I didn’t have a strong, deep bond at a spiritual level tended to leave me asking what the overall point was.
That brings me to the point of this little scribbling of thoughts. Finding your soul-mate changes it all. It’s worth the effort to never give up seeking that person. I almost did give up. In fact, I almost did not allow myself to fall in love with Mistress Oasis. That’s a story that is not in either of my books. Nor will I ever tell it to an audience. Suffice to say that the reason for my apprehension was fear of getting hurt … yet again. But down the road, I opened myself fully and let her into the dangerous places in my heart.
I am currently at the pinnacle of my BDSM experience. After 30 years it feels like I’ve reached the summit of Mount Everest. It’s been a long, hard climb marked with various successes and failures. I’ve had moments of elation and moment of despair. But I’m here, at the top. I’m out of breath. I’m frozen, bruised, cut, sore, and have several scars that will never fully fade even after they heal. But, I’m bound to my soul-mate after years of settling for this or that.
Mistress Oasis doesn’t just own me. She absorbs me, breathes me in. She doesn’t just accept everything that I am, but she embraces and cultivates those things. Love? Yes, without question or doubt, she LOVES everything that I am. And this includes outside the play room as well. She loves the fully dressed, confident Alpha-male I am in the vanilla world as much as she loves the naked, quivering slave on my knees with my arms wrapped around her ankles in a death grip. In fact, that’s why she loves me. She knows that naked salve exists and that she is the only person in the world who gets to see that part of me.
I’ve opened up parts of myself to Mistress Oasis that no other Domme has ever seen either. And she loves that even more. Indeed, all of my guards are down.
I have a message for you – especially for you sub-males. It can be a long climb. But don’t give up the search (and effort) to find your Domme soul-mate. I won’t lie to you. You might have another 10 failures before you find her. But there is someone out there for you. There is someone out there who will love every little kink you have in the dungeon, as well as every little quirk you have in your vanilla life. But if you aren’t open to giving it one more try, with one more Domme, she’ll slip right out of your grasp.
I swear to you, it’s worth it. My only regret is that it has taken me 30 years to discover her. But it’s been worth all of that time, all of the lessons learned and all the heartbreaks endured. Don’t give up. Don’t settle – or at least, don’t settle for long. Keep seeking and keep improving yourself as an available male submissive.
Consider purchasing “Femdom Dating” to help you improve your odds. Don’t spend thirty years making mistakes like I did to learn what works. For the price of this book, you could buy two drinks from Starbucks – or you could completely change the direction of your BDSM life toward finally meeting (and attracting) your soul-mate. In fact, right now (01/14/2019) the paperback is ON SALE at Amazon for $4.40
Are you willing to take control of your destiny?